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December 09, 2011

This is an email my friend sent out on the listserve about his mid-morning bathroom break decisions.

Today is going to be a very very slow uneventful day for me.  Its Friday and nearing the Holiday Season which means demand for my expertise and services is low at this time.  As a result, the most difficult decision I am going to have to make today is soon to come, and I am asking for your help.  Normally I reserve this type of conversation to only the men, but I feel that we have all become comfortable enough with each other (1st semester uptown almost over) that I could request help from the girls as well.  Brittany being the exception as she is new to the crew, but I will include you regardless.


Dilemma:  I have recently finished my 2nd cup of coffee, and as many of you may know from experience, the caffeine rush has started to kick in which can only mean one thing: soon, I will need to take a longer than normal bathroom break.  This may not be an issue for some of you, as there may only be one option for which bathroom to use, but in this situation, the decision is an important one as I must choose the ideal floor, stall, and as Josh once pointed out, time of day is an important factor. 


Floor:  I work on the 7th floor.  This floor is immediately ruled out as there are quite a few ppl up here and the restroom is seldom vacant.  Each floor has identical restrooms. There is a cafeteria on the 3rd floor and lobby obviously on the 1st.  Now, logically at this time, there are likely not many people on the cafeteria level (between breakfast and lunch).  This means that the restroom could be completely empty, making for ideal conditions.  The same applies to the lobby where the only tenants are security/guests.  This is the first decision I must make.  This leads me to stall choice.


Stall:  Assuming the restroom is empty, I used to shoot straight for the handicapped stall because it has many obvious perks: plentiful room, corner space, false sense of security, etc.  But I have recently realized that these same benefits appeal to everyone, which means that it is probably the most frequented stall - Major drawback.  Then there’s always the off chance that a handicap user happens to roll in and I have it occupied leading to an unwanted /awkward situation.  The first stall has some appeal as well, another corner/ wall location, closest to the door.  And the big advantage of the middle stall is odds are it is “the stall less travelled”; however, if for some magically unfortunate reason and the stars aligned where I choose the middle stall and 2 people come in and go to the other stalls, I am trapped in the middle of what is destined to be a cloud of catastrophe.  Please advise.  Now we are on to time.


Time:  I could leave this section to Josh as he had many good ideas regarding the ideal time of day and associated conditions, many of which I had never even considered, and they are not to be taken lightly.


If I have a caffeine crash in the next hour or so, I may go take a nap in my car for lunch so timely responses are appreciated.


Best regards,