Everyone has their own way of mourning, I guess. But Christ, Ted. Ever heard of incognito mode?
Anyhow, here are some more tweets Ted liked, freaked out and said, “The world is on fire!”, then deleted and blamed on a “staffing issue”. If you’re tugging it at work, at least own up to it. We get it, but take responsibility for your digital jizz stains, would you?
1. Murderous Sex Robots
If you’re trying to hide your true identity as the Zodiac Killer, Ted, you’re doing a pretty shit job.
2. A Literal Post About the Zodiac Killer
3. His Horoscope
Did you know he’s a Capricorn?
4. Just some more #capricornthings
I feel like you have better things to do with your time Senator, but I’m sure distracting yourself from masturbating at your desk is rough.
5. Oh, He Got Us GOOD.
Somehow taking delight in knowing he’s fooled some of the population.
6. His Daily Existential Crisis
If only it were this easy. I feel him on this one.
7. The Same Existential Crisis, Again
He actually just wound up clicking the “like” button on that last tweet so much he unliked it, then liked it again. Over and over.
54 times, to be exact. Poor guy.
8. Finding Stability in Faith
Some of us pray. Some of us stress eat. Some of us need to feel and confirm the amount of saline our cells contain. Like a tree frog.
I feel like Ted does all three.
9. Here We Go Again
And he was doing so good. Christ.
Is no one going to point out that this is a conspiracy theory Twitter?
10. …I Mean, He Was Trying To Be Polite?
It’s just that Southern gentleman in him, I suppose.