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April 13, 2018

New York City is the greatest city in the world but sometimes the hustle and bustle or the fact that Rachel is getting remarried this weekend can wear you down.

Fun NYC Day Trips For The Day Rachel Gets Remarried

New York City is the greatest city in the world but sometimes the hustle and bustle or the fact that Rachel is getting remarried this weekend can wear you down. So why not take a break from the chaos and treat yourself to a getaway? You don’t have to be a millionaire or someone with a savings account to expand your horizons. Nowadays, it’s a breeze to leave the city on the exact day Rachel’s getting remarried AND you can be back in time insta-stalk the wedding by the venue’s geotag. Here are some DIY, cheap day trips to plan that will spare your wallet AND your dignity:

The Apartment Complex You Lost Your Virginity In

Where better to go when facing emotional stress than the original source of all that trauma? Take the subway down to the apartment complex or dorm building you first lost your virginity in, park yourself on the onlooking bench across the street and contemplate where it all went wrong. Re-live the confusing feelings your younger, more naive-self had before you learned the world was actually a continuous stream of rotten dumpster banana peels for you to slip on throughout your adult life. After a productively triggering reflection, treat yourself to some froyo because there’s a place around the corner and it’s not every day you’re in Times Square.

Central Park Without A Map

You’re not a real New Yorker until you’ve explored Central Park on the day Rachel is getting remarried without a map. Is that the Shakespeare garden? Or are those just plants? Leave worries like these for a day when you aren’t thinking about an impending child custody battle. Instead, get a caricature of yourself and a dog flying away in a hot air balloon. Convince yourself that just like wedding photographs, this cartoon of you and the dog in the hot air balloon can, in fact, be how people remember you after you pass.

Just Drive Back And Forth On The GW Bridge

Destinations are a social construct. Often it’s more about the journey than the journey’s end and you can experience a cathartic emotional rollercoaster of regret whether or not you have an end goal. Get in your car and just drive without thinking about the where or when, or even the which side of the street is right from left. Instead, when you come to a fork in the road, let your subconscious do the heavy lifting. Just as in life, when you encounter a bump, just bring your awareness back to your breath and don’t overthink whether that thing you hit was a person, animal, or if they once had a family. If you think about it we are all just Kia Optimas speeding through lanes trying to find the best route to the shopping mall. And it’s only a matter of time until we discover the back roads.

Get High and Explore Google Earth

You can go anywhere if you put your mind to it, but especially if you put some drugs to your mind. All you need for modern leisure traveling is a wifi connection and a tightly packed bowl. Google Earth is often an overlooked feature for travelers with more old-fashioned sensibilities. But the fact is you can travel to all the above locations and more with the right strain and high-speed internet connection. Use the street-view feature to get up close and experience your trip whilst tripping on THC. Drop into the TJ Max for some window shopping, or even use google earth’s impressive satellite features to plop right into one of the seats at the wedding reception. The best part? No one can tell you to stop yelling at the priest because you’re actually alone in your studio apartment where you live alone. Now that’s a win-win!

Martha’s Vineyard

On second thought, just get out of the city. GET. OUT. Get as far away from Rachel and her wedding as you logistically and financially can. You are not in the mental state for this at all. Martha’s Vineyard is a go-to getaway for many city dwellers experiencing marital stress and/or extreme subway anxiety. It’s New York’s best-kept secret that if you tell the concierge you’re visiting on the day Rachel’s getting re-married or if you’ve ever taken the G train, you get a 20% discount applied to your stay. No wonder this place has such good Yelp reviews!

There you have it! The definitive list of day trips to plan on the day Rachel puts a bullet in the vows you both promised to honor forever. Don’t wait until Rachel’s big day to start planning your itinerary!