Celebrities See All


Quick Links

Published July 06, 2012 More Info ยป
1 Funny Votes
1 Die Votes
Published July 06, 2012

So how about this Toronto sun, eh? Or this Toronto smog? B-fucking-S-fucking-awful-fucking-aaarrrgggghhhhhhffffff.

When I'm at work, I feel like an agile balerina paper working machine. Every fax I send is just a metaphor for how cool and comfortable I feel. When I go outside, I feel like a ball of play dough that is hardening in the sun, but also melting because the sun is such a mother fucker like that. It's fuckin' my shit two ways at once! God damnit heat, why do you do that to me?

I don't even own an AC. It's fine to use a couple of fans, and take a nice refreshing shower, but it's not nice to learn that your outer thighs have sweat glands too. So do your earlobes, and your hair. Disagree? Come over somtime and let me show you. You'll find body parts you never knew you had just because you discover it's sweating. I swear my eyes were sweating, (not crying though...NOT CRYING OKAY?) but that could just be my extremely useful comedy diploma talking.

The best part about sweating it out all night is that my body freaks the fuck out and then my teenage acne resurfaces. That in turn can make it harder to go buy refreshing beer, and becomes a vicious cylcle of freaking out in public.

I know you are all looking to me for a solution, and don't worry, I have it. Let's all tweet how dissapointed we are with the heat, and maybe it'll take a hint. Let's all hashtag #Smog/HeatYou'reNotInvitedToTheNextFamilyReunion

From Around the Web