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July 19, 2016
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Pretend to be my own publicist? Check. Up next: dunk on Shaq!

A recent Slate article listed “141 things Donald Trump Has Said and Done Making Him Unfit to be President.” That’s a lot of things crossed off Trump’s bucket list, but what else is on it?


  • Say women should be punished for having abortions
  • Make fun of reporter’s physical disability
  • Try fruit
  • Ban Muslims from U.S.
  • Get White Supremacists vote
  • Become king President of my America
  • Call Mexican Immigrants rapists
  • Tell the world Megyn Kelly has “blood coming out of her whatever.”
  • Praise Kim Jong-un and Saddam Hussein
  • Obtain exclusive energy rights to the sun
  • Claim I can shoot someone, and not lose voters
  • Tell world I have a great big penis
  • Pay dad back for loan
  • Buy the Church of Scientology, merge it with Trump University
  • Have Melania steal Michelle’s speech to gain media exposure
  • Have Mike Pence be my VP
  • Have someone look at me during sex
  • Marry 3 more times
  • Test the waters aboutdating my daughter
  • Start a sentence about an African-American with “MY”
  • Get divorced two more times
  • Pitch building a wall between Mexico and my American palace.
  • Lose 10 lbs.
  • See “Hamilton"
  • Claim a Jewish Star is a Sheriff Star in propaganda aimed at Hillary
  • Go bankrupt 4 times with no repercussions
  • Dunk on Shaq
  • Dance like no one’s watching
  • Pretend to be my own Publicist
  • Grab drinks with El Chapo
  • High-five that Cecil the Lion Dentist
  • Bring up Lewinsky scandal, call Hillary a “Blowjob Enabler”
  • Call 9/11 7/11 ***this one is very important to me***
  • Get a normal-sized-hand transplant
  • Make daddy proud
  • Say, “If I win I may not even want the job.”

written by Mike Glazer, Vange Spracklin, Stuart Thompson, Tom Bambara, Gustav Lindquist, and Ryan Howard

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