Full Credits

Stats & Data

0Funny
0Die
21
Views
July 02, 2018
Published
Description

Cross Fit, Krav Maga Gyms Are Often Biased Respites Used By Law Enforcement As Training Ground So They Can Book You and Ruin Your Life. Criminal Underworld - Pathological Fitness Has Your Back

With the popularity of the Cross fit and Krav Maga movements, police officers have finally found a means to prepare for what any dangerous assignment may come their way. With arrests going up, partially due for charges like evading and alluding, criminals know times are changing. Founder of Pathological Fitness, Slade Kilbrew, noticed this disturbing trend a decade ago.

“Gone are the days when fitness was a culture
for your elite police forces like the FBI or U.S.
Marshals. With most city, county or state units
you could count on cops being useless,
out of shape, pastry eating slobs with a pot belly.
Now, these types of officers are only relegated to
to banks or malls as security guards. So, we realized
We had to stay a step ahead of the race, so to speak.”

Having served a twenty-year sentence for armed robbery himself, Slade realized a dire need after his days in San Quinton.

“Obviously, the sector of clientele we are marketing
to do not have funds that most of society has. So we
took in investors who could emphasize with our plight.
We have added Frank Abagnale of "Catch Me If You Can”
fame, Jordan Belfort who inspired “Wolf Of Wall Street”
Martha Stewart, Hollywood producers who have
been fired for sexual misconduct and countless politicians
who will be honored when we are up and running.“

After speaking with Slade, I came away impressed that his mission was even more determined. He emphasized how wasteful and detrimental for enthusiasm women only gyms were.

"Another disturbing trend I found were these gyms who catered
only to women. You know, those prissy, conceited bastions
of no judgement culture; where men could no longer fondle,
gawk or harass the opposite sex while on their way to the
weight bench. Quite frankly this is how we got a lot of these
former Hollywood types to invest. That being the promise
that lewd behavior would become the cornerstone of what
we were trying to do. At our founding gym in Atlanta, GA
we tested this notion by admitting paroled inmates from
Julia Tutweiler, just down the road in Wetumpka, AL.
With all the pent up sexual aggravation memberships
skyrocketed. After two days we were forced to create a
waiting list. These women were actually grateful for a unisex
facility.We are setting out to start gyms in New York City,
Chicago, Los Angeles, Portland and Houston - aside from our
flagship location here in Atlanta. My goal is to have each
location specialized in the types of criminal element we
cater to. On the west coast we have hired Chinese organized
crime syndicate members who specialize in martial arts.
Our Houston gym focuses more on cardio for illegal
immigrants. We are working on having the most
immaculate swimming pool at that location as well. That
gym will also have a specialized nutrition bar which makes
urine with superior protein content. Finally, New York City
have criminal Israeli special forces with their
own ways to counter act Krav Maga training.”

Coming away it was easy for a law abiding citizen to pass judgement. But, Mr. Kilbrew made us realize everyone needs a place to feel like they belong, to feel like they fit in. And it was expressed to us that once gyms in larger cities were deemed solvent, then more rural areas would be marketed to. With a goal of having gyms in every U.S. state and territory by 2030 we encourage law abiding citizens to not bet against it.

Dedicated To Junior “Eff The Cops” Bradford

Advertisement