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July 03, 2012

Dylan Rhymer's State of the Week: Reads the Economist but moves his lips

(LONDON) – Despite disastrous press surrounding their current $3B fraud settlement, the British pharmaceutical giant GlaxoSmithKlein is moving ahead with the release of a controversial new product: antidepressants for babies.

On behalf of GSK, I want to reiterate that we have learnt from the mistakes that were made. We’re eager to put this unfortunate business behind us and move ahead.” said Chief Executive Sir Andrew Witty at an unveiling “That’s why we are excited to unveil our latest product: NatalPax, antidepressants for babies.”

Glaxo’s ‘NatalPax’ will be the world’s first ever anti-depressant especially developed for babies 18 months old and younger.

“Every mother knows the sting of a baby that won’t stop crying and cannot be reassured, only to sleep for a few hours and wake up crying and then fall asleep with a bottle in their hand. At GSK, we recognize these are all classic symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder.” He added “Sometimes a sad baby is really a S.A.D. baby.”

GSK developers point to the fact that, to a baby, side-effects like vomiting, diarrhea, fatigue and anal leakage are just part of every day life. 

Said Witty; “Paxil is for everyone, so consult your pediatrician today.”