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March 15, 2017

A reverend dies doing what he loved the most.


The love of money is the root of all evil.

Minister Drowns In A Swimming Pool Full Of Money

Indianapolis, Indiana - Reverend Nathaniel Hightower of the Needle’s Eye Christian Church was found dead at the bottom of the deep end of his inground swimming pool late last night. The cause of death was by drowning under 9 feet of fifty dollar bills.

Reverend Hightower was reported missing by his wife of fifteen years Bentleigh Hightower. Mrs. Hightower was away for several days in Las Vegas where she was ministering to their satellite church at the Golden Nugget Casino and Hotel. Upon returning to their 17,000 square foot mansion the man of God was nowhere to be found.

“It’s not strange for Nat to feel the hand of God and go out into the wilderness for days and pray,” stated Mrs. Hightower. “I knew this time was different. The Ferrari, Ashton Martin, and all the Benzes were still in the garage.”

After searching the rest of the estate, local police excavated the Olympic sized pool full of money. Reverend Hightower’s remains were found.

“This isn’t the first time money took down a minister,” stated Sergeant Andrew Canard of the Indianapolis police. “I’m just surprised he was trying to walk on the stuff.”

Evidence points that Reverend Hightower was trying to replicate Jesus’ miracle of walking on water. The last thing he wrote in his diary was his burning desire to tell his congregation that God want’s them to be wealthy and he wanted to raise money by performing a modern miracle.

Jesus walked on the Sea of Mediterranean. On the Black Sea. Now I have to Google that. He walked on the Sea of Galilee to show his people the faith he had. I’m going to show my congregation that God wants them to have the faith to make a faith-based investment in my mortgage. He walked on water. I’m walking on cold hard cash. I’m gonna try it out tonight.

Many in the congregation are whispering that while Reverend Hightower’s heart was in the right place, he was testing the LORD by trying out the miracle in private before taking it live.

The funeral will be held at the Golden Nugget Casino. The church is offering parishioners a special deal on flight and hotel accommodations. A small fee is included to pay homage to the late reverend’s faith and dedication to paying down his mortgage.

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