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Published July 02, 2013

 

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LOS ANGELES, CA - It was the turn of the millennia when the world first got a glimpse of the now iconic “fauxhawk”; a styling where the top-center of hair is propped up to mimic a mohawk, minus the punkrock commitment of shaving the sides.  The versatile look, originally popularized by Soccer Spice, David Beckham, was quickly adopted by eminent male groups of the era, ranging from bros to metrosexuals.

“It was a special thing because you didn’t have to be from the same clique, you know?” remarked Chase Reynolds, a mixed martial arts enthusiast from Huntington Beach, CA.  “When you saw another dude fauxing [sic] you’d just kind of give him a nod.  It was all good.”

And now it looks like it might be all good for a fauxhawk comeback, according to steampunk barber, Syko Filben.

“More people are asking for it and, personally, I’m excited,” said Filben, himself sporting a relaxed variation on the cut called a euro-hawk.  “You just get tired of doing fades and smoking cigarettes all day,” Filburn added, exhaling a wispy cloud of American Spirit.

But not everyone shares Syko’s excitement, including, Karen Henderson, a marketing director from Chicago, IL.

“I thought it was cool for about a minute,” said Henderson.  “Back when I used to use hyperbole like about a minute.”

Cultural Anthropologist, Dr. Henry Singer, studies hairstyles around the world and supports the idea that the fauxhawk bridged a divide.  “It’s really the unifier of haircuts because it was represented in so many different ethnic groups at the height of its fashion; whites, [sic] Hispanics, Asians, and Middle Easterners being the biggest adopters.  Not so much with blacks [sic] though,”  Singer paused before continuing “That’s not racist.  Their hair just, you know...”

While racial prejudice may not have been a premeditation in the fauxhawk’s architecture, gender tension could play a role in its ongoing survival.

Beth Grady, a twenty two year-old executive assistant who was shown a photograph of the pre-Instragram cut, just wrinkled her entire face before eeking out “Ew...”

Parents groups seem to be divided.  Some call it “cute,” while others worry about the cost of maintaining such a hairstyle.

“It’s just a conspiracy by the Vidal Sassoons of the world to get us to spend money we don’t have,” said Aimes Electric Plant Manager, Rod Billings, who also blamed the Supreme Court’s recent overturning of Prop 8 and DOMA.

When described opposition to the resurgence, Singer held to his belief that the fauxhawk could bring people together.

“When you take the left side of your hair and comb it to meet the right, that’s a metaphor for something bigger,” said Singer.  “It’s time we stop bickering and invest in some kind of styling technology that allows people of all races and hair textures to join in the renaissance.  At least, that’s my America...”

And what a great fauxing America it would be.

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