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September 18, 2011

Just in time for the new season...one week to go!!

A recent poll on a social networking site determined that global high school students still consider Americans the “Coolest” people on the planet. This is surprising since recent Economic polls suggest that most Americans no longer have any lunch money.

A Manhattan Starbucks recently announced it would be blocking some of its electrical outlets, as customers were plugging in their laptops and hogging all the seating. They blocked the outlets in typical Starbucks fashion...by building other Starbucks in front of them

Reporters in Scotland have discredited the legend of Greyfriar’s Bobby, the story of the dog who kept watch over his owner’s grave for 14 years. The report said that local businesses replaced the original dirty mutt, with a pure bred terrier to drum up revenue. In a related story, Two and a Half Men premieres this Monday on CBS

Police in Ukraine shut down a restaurant that was forcing bears to drink vodka to entertain its customers. When the bears were asked why they never reported the abuse, the bears explained that they wanted to make varsity

A deaf woman is suing an upstate New York nudist park saying that they didn’t provide her with a sign language interpreter. The park argued she didn’t need an interpreter, and that the only thing she needed to know was: If it’s bigger than normal, he probably likes you

Animal Rights Group PETA announced it would be starting a pornographic website to try and spread awareness about animal cruelty. PETA said animals would be present in the videos, but only animals whose fathers never made it to their dance recital.

In college football news it was announced that Syracuse and Pitt would be leaving the BIG East to join the ACC next season. This follows the decade’s long trend of college students dumping their girlfriends because they got too “Big” over the summer

The Big East declined comment, but her roommate Melanie called us jerks for asking about it.

After winning a title fight in controversial fashion Saturday, Floyd “Money” Mayweather Jr. got in a war of words with announcer Larry Merchant, which prompted Merchant to say “If I was 50 years younger, I would kick your ass.” And if Larry were 50 years younger, people would still be watching Boxing

Presidential Candidate Michele Bachmann made waves last week with her comments that the government should not force young girls to get a shot to prevent the sexually transmitted HPV virus, which can cause cervical cancer. Supporters of the policy say Bachmann is not concerned enough about the virus, but in her defence, there’s no reason to be concerned when your husband has no intention of having sex with you.