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October 29, 2015
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Ben Carson has had a great time running for president, but it's now time to return to his fall back plan, brain surgery.


Dr. Ben Carson
Just Happy To Be Here

Well I’m out.

What a wild ride it’s been. I got to talk on a big stage a few times. They gave me a microphone and a tall, wood table and asked me questions about the world and money and guns. This time, I got to talk for 7 exhilarating minutes.

Ever since I decided I wanted to be sit in a big boy chair in an oval room, I got to talk about slavery, the holocaust, guns, all of my favorite subjects, guns. Holy moly what a rollercoaster these last few months have been.

All these fancy newspaper men asked me fun questions like “What’s your tax plan?” and “What do you think of Carly Fiorina?” Oh goodness, such joy I felt when answering these inquiries, my heart racing with excitement that it was my turn to have words come out of my mouth. I felt like a young schoolboy at show and tell and my class was America. For what it’s worth my answers, respectively, were ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and the emoji where that beautiful, mature woman in red is dancing.

I hope I meet that woman someday. She understands my spirit. I’d take her home, grill her a delicious steak dinner cooked extra well-done, and we could talk about what she would do if another emoji attacked her on a school campus. I bet she’d fight back. “Prayer hands, smiling feces. Let’s get him!”

That’s what she’d say.

Sure, it seems like I’m very much in this race; I’m at the top of the polls. But I’ve now done everything I intended to and said everything I was going to say. The most recent debate was the final item on my “good times, great fun checklist.“ I got to stand in the middle of the stage like the lead bird, soaring in the sky in the shape of my favorite letter, V. V stands for victory. It also stands for “very fun” which is how I would describe that debate. I had very fun. The questions the nice people from the TV asked me were also very fun. Getting to hang out with my nine best friends very fun.

But alas, it’s time for me to drop out of the race. The roller coaster has come to an end. I will now return to my fall back career, brain surgery.

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