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January 11, 2012

Speaking about what goes on in the mind during a dance with mass transit.


“Another day, another dollar” is probably the phrase millions and millions of commuters mumble to themselves each day to get by the hustle and bustle of public transportation. Though, nothing ever helps getting through traveling each day amongst crowds filled with loud, noisy, smelly, ugly, and handicapped people. Don’t gasp because I said the word ‘handicapped’ in a way that portrays them as an obstacle in your daily life, it’s true. Think about it, you’ve been on buses and trains before where the conductor or driver holds up your trip so that person, with a cane or a wheelchair, can board. “Un-fucking-real” was the first thing that popped into your mind, especially since five extra minutes had just been tacked onto your already miserable trip.

Now, of course, it never ends there. The handicap was just the cherry-on-top. Cell phone mania has become the gift and the curse of the human race, mostly because you can talk, text, and gain access to the Internet ANYWHERE. Unfortunately, that anywhere just so happens to be on your daily commutes. So, you tend to learn why the pregnant Latino woman is pissed about her baby’s daddy’s recent arrest, why some teenage girl colored her hair to look like Nicki Minaj, or why some “businessman” is taking mass transit but has “a big job and big money.”

The list goes on and on of what many of you probably have heard, but you get the picture. I’m a firm believer in noise-cancellation headphones, you should become one too.

Then, there are those that forget they have running water at home. Whether it’s the smelly fucks that think just spraying Axe, or whatever cheap cologne is in these days, without showering first or the people that go to the gym and leave, without showering afterwards, to continue on with their day without even thinking they might pass another human being who may smell them. I suggest carrying around a travel size spray bottle of soap and water, mixed with deodorant, for those “special cases.” Just don’t confuse that with your pepper-spray bottle, you just want to sanitize them not hospitalize them. Also, don’t let the homeless person that takes up a huge amount of space, due to their stench, deter you from claiming your royal seat. Keep a can of Febreze on you at all times, mostly for when you’ve reached the final level and have to fight the big homeless monster.

Now, if you fell into any of these categories, I suggest you keep track of your surroundings. Because, guaranteed, someone is either recording you for YouTube or finally fed up with the daily bullshit and you’re about to get shoveled.

For those of you that have fallen victim to these situations, SAVE UP SOME FUCKING MONEY AND BUY A CAR. Gas prices are dropping like Kim Kardashian at a Popeye’s gloryhole, so it’s time to start using that to your advantage. But, until then, continue to enjoy the asinine adventures you’ve put yourself in day after day.