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Published April 09, 2009

Yoga Rage -

 I took up yoga last summer.  I was working as a cinematographer on a film.  It was alllll handheld, and at the end of the day, every day, my back was killing me.  So, I took up yoga to stretch my back out and relax.  Lately I've been watching these Yoga videos on demand, and DAMN, those people can get into some crazy suspended positions, especially crane position.  At first, I was terrified by crane position, so when the video got to crane, I would give up and go get a beer (which a great way to relax as well). 

 Lately, I get pissed off when I get to crane, which seems counter-productive to the calming effect of Yoga.

 The DVD teacher lady said "Now be mindful of your breath as you transition into crane position"  and I just got so freakin' pissed, and I yelled at her.  I yelled "You fu#$ing bitch!"  and, miraculously, I did crane!  I was so freaking angry at this 90 lbs woman that can stand on one finger,  that I got all juiced up with Yoga Rage, and I could DID IT!  I was so happy, and angry, and satisfied.  It was awesome!  Now I'm thinking of founding a new Yoga Practice that focuses entirely on rage.  It feels good to scream vulgarities while balanced on one hand, and it really helps with the even breathing.  What do you think?

 

The Internet machine

 One of my clients called me this morning.  I'll lay the scene out:

 I enter my office, flip on my computer, make a nice cup of Earl Grey, and check my voicemail.  I have a slight headache brought on by a Peroni (… or five), which I had last night while watching Sukiyaki Western: Django, a Japanese Western (Good movie..  Can't fully recommend to everyone, but it was entertaining.  It was beautiful to look at, to say the least). 

 RING RING.

 I answer my phone.  "Hello," I say. 

There is no response to my question, just a statement, "Is there something wrong with your head son?"

I wear my cowboy boots when I have a hangover.  I lift my feet up to rest my cowboy boots on my desk as I lean back in my ergonomic chair.   I consider my responses for a split second, then decide on teacher-like condescension.   "That is not how you have a conversation over the phone sir.  Let's try again.  Now why don't you start by telling me who you are and why you have a problem with my head."

"This is Lou over at #$^%$%&%^& (Edited for the sake of my income) and I got to my office, checked my Internet machine (Yes, he calls it that), and found a memorandum tellin' me that you cancelled our meeting that starts in five minutes?!"

"Lou, I called you five times per day, for three days trying to re-schedule.  I also sent three memorandums via the (chuckle) Internet machine.  I have personal business this morning that cannot be re-scheduled."

"I don't know where you learned business etiquette son (Yoga-type rage boiling over) but you do not use the Internet machine to cancel a meeting.  I am thinking of canceling your contract right now!"

And he hung up on me, which was for the best. 

Should I send him an email explaining modern business practices and etiquette?


Here's a TV Pitch:

Three guys and a hot chick that reads comics.  Think the CW will green light it for me?




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