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July 31, 2011

Controversial musings of a Netflix envelope jockey.

June 13 – Stuffed red envelopes with DVDs


June 14 – Stuffed red envelopes with DVDs


June 15 – Another busy day of stuffing red envelopes with DVDs.  Mr. Rodriguez says that if I keep up the good work, he may promote me to the film removal tables soon.


June 16 – I was stuffing red envelopes with DVDs when I noticed an unusual occurrence.  Hector Farley had just ordered Hot Tub Time Machine for the fourth separate time within three months.  And he didn’t even report any damage with the previous discs.  Who would order Hot Tub Time Machine four times?  Surely, he can’t be planning to watch it for the fourth time?  Hector Farley certainly bears some monitoring.


June 17 – Identified another unusual pattern.  Hector Farley has Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay in his queue, despite the fact that he just watched it last week and has already rated it 5 stars and commented that it’s a ‘masterpiece’.


June 20 – Hector Farley has finally given himself away.  Today he added a compilation of skits, The Daily Show Ridicules Michelle Bachman, to his queue for the third time.  Only one thing ties together these three videos: they all star Rob Corddry.  Clearly Hector Farley is obsessed with Rob Corddry.  What could cause such a fascination with a perpetual supporting cast member?


June 21 – Last night I watched Hot Tub Time Machine again, this time taking careful notes.  Looking closely at Rob Corddry’s performance, I detected nuances that had escaped me on my initial viewing.  (Granted, during the first viewing, I was distracted by sampling the tasty new cinnamon-flavor Orville Redenbacher popcorn).  His apparent devil-may-care characterization of Lou Dorchen is actually layered with shades of regretfulness and tinges of melancholy – one can see the dashed hopes of once-promising romances in the man’s thoughtful corneas.  The other characters call him ‘Violator’ but clearly Lou has violated primarily his own hopes for a fulfilling destiny.  This is a character who has lived with bitterness and come to know it well.


June 22 – Compelled to watch Hot Tub Time Machine once more.  This time I grew impatient every time the film dwelled on John Cusack’s character.  I couldn’t wait to return to more of Corddry’s performance as Lou, wrestling with the existential perplexities of his past, frustratingly unaware of the final ironic twist that awaited him at the film’s climax.  Finally gave up on the endless scenes dawdling over Cusack’s love life and started streaming Rob Corddry’s home videos from YouTube.  Lots of skits of rare, rough-hewn genius.  Some excellent early work featuring Rob and really long hot dogs. 


June 23 – Called in sick and made my own edit of Hot Tube Time Machine, eliminating all of the scenes focused on Cusack.


June 24 – Spent a lot of time last night on the Corddry discussion boards.  There is still a lot of outrage in the community that Rob was passed over to star in Mr. Popper’s Penguins.  A tragic missed opportunity.  There’s an evident unfulfilled desire out there for ever more work from Corddry.


June 25 - I see a potential business model emerging here: Corddryflix.  By taking all of Rob’s movies and YouTube clips and making them available in one convenient place, I can corner a niche -market.  In addition, by selecting various underwhelming films and inserting footage of Rob Corddry, I can not only improve the quality of the movies, but serve the burgeoning community of Corddry fans who can’t get enough of their idol.


June 27 - Worked on my manifesto for Corddryflix.  “As a Netflix employee, I’ve often been tempted to ponder the vagaries of stardom, the apparent whims of dame Fortuna: how do some celebrities with no apparent talent become huge box office draws, while other thespians with the gravitas and charisma of a Gielgud labor forever in the shadows, hoping for a measly guest shot on House?  But with Rob Corddry, there is no mystery to his success.  His craggy, shaven-headed machismo, his mellifluous, exquisitely-trained vocal delivery and the subtle gradations of his comedic personae, from violent, drug-fueled rube (Cedar Rapids) to reckless party-animal whirligig (Hot Tub Time Machine) are the work of a thoughtful, tireless observer of the human animal and his multifarious behavior patterns.  This site is dedicated to those portrayals.”


June 28 - Notified Mr. Rodriguez I’m quitting to devote myself completely to my dream of running Corddryflix.  He wished me ‘lotsa luck’ like a true gentleman.  The future beckons. This could be the greatest envelope-stuffing adventure of my life.

- Check out Space Command: “Each slyly crafted tale is set on a world from far Earth, but the humor is quite terrestrial.” http://amzn.to/atEZo9