So Kim Jong-Il is in the news more now than he has been in months, because he bit the dust. Kim Kardashian is in the news because, I don't know. She married someone or did someone or didn't marry someone or ate something. Right? 

With not one but TWO Kims in the news right now, here's a helpful guide to tell the two apart during Kim-ania! 




Kim Kardashian – That girl I think about when

Kim Jong-Il – Long Jong Silver


Best Friend

Kim Jong-Il – Not so much friends as minions

Kim Kardashian – Her sisters Khloe and Kourtney, a dog she’s tormenting by forcing to live in a purse



Kim Jong-Il  - Supreme Leader of North Korea, occassional basketball player (beer leauge) 

Kim Kardashian - N/A



Kim Kardashian – Actually had to have an X-Ray done on her ass to prove it was genuinely bootylicious (not artificially bootified)

Kim Jong-Il – Sorta looks like a sumo wrestler forced to retire on injury



Kim Kardashian – Father is lawyer Robert Kardashian

Kim Jong-Il – Fathered a kid that looks like a cross between the fat kid from “Up” and the fat kid from “Two and a Half Men”; probably the only Asian who is not good at math


YouTube Klout

Kim Kardashian – 2007 sex tape

Kim Jong-Il – Was apparently born during a double rainbow


Biggest Irony of Their Life

Kim Kardashian – Her and her sisters’ initials form “KKK”; they frequently have sex with a lot of black dudes

Kim Jong-Il – Frequently referred to as “SUPREME” leader; complaint box is overfilled with cards


Looks Good in Sunglasses?

Kim Jong-Il – Yes

Kim Kardashian - Yes


Relation to Barbara Walters

Kim Kardashian -  Put on her Top 10 Most Fascinating People of 2011 list, despite the fact Barbara says she has “No talent”

Kim Jong-Il – Enjoyed smoking Cuban cigars, riding motorcycles, and being judgemental about people together on the weekends


Best Rhyme About Current Situation

Kim Jong-Il – So long, Kim Jong

Kim Kardashian – Kim, Kim, Kardashian. Look at you, you have nice shins. Bet you’re glad you’re raking in. If your daddy wasn’t him, you’d be in bars, flashing ‘em!