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September 12, 2016

under unprecedented circumstances, the 2016 presidential race has been decided by a hat stacking competition.

Dammit. He’s done it. He’s actually done it. I hope you’re happy, America. Donald Trump stacked the most hats on his head and now is The President. This is just great. We all knew just about the only thing he is good at is wearing hats, how the heck did we allow this to happen? It all started with that stupid BuzzFeed poll.

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It’s so obvious that that is the choice they wanted us to pick.

How were we supposed to know that this “How Should We Elect The Next President” poll was the real way the government would decide how we find the next president? Like, what the heck ever happened to just voting? I feel like if we had known this was legitimate, we wouldn’t have all gone with “Whoever Can Stack The Most Hats On Their Head In Front Of A Live Audience And A Panel Of Judges On America’s Got Talent.” But it was, so now we are stuck.

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Here he is back in June. He said “Look at me. Isn’t this great. Look how great I am at this. Fantastic.”

We’re so dumb. We should have seen this coming. He beat Hillary by over thirty hats! I guess it’s as they say in everyone’s favorite season of the best show of all time (according to a BuzzFeed poll), True Detective season two, “We get the world we deserve.”