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July 02, 2012

This weekend movies about a pot smoking teddy bear, male strippers and cross dressing grandmothers collectively ruined the morals of the entire nation in a matter of days.

This weekend movies about a pot smoking Teddy bear (Ted), male strippers (Magic Mike) and cross dressing grandmothers (Madea's Witness Protection) scored big at the box office, collectively ruining the morals of the entire nation in a matter of days.

While Hollywood celebrates big gains, parents across the country have nowhere to turn. "I came home yesterday to find my 34-year-old son smoking pot with his old Teddy bear," said Susan Franklin of Scottsdale. "He said his bear told him to quit his job."

Other parents are looking for answers as young men are suddenly dropping out of college to pursue work as exotic dancers, collecting $1 bills from cougars and sorority girls in cities across the country.

"Okay, you got me," said a Warner Bros. exec commenting on the sudden debauchery of the nation's populous.

"We wanted to ruin the morals of the country before the holiday. I'll grill better on Wednesday knowing that your 10-year-old boy will be off by the swing set smoking pot with his teddy bear, dressed in drag and grinding his junk in his little sister's face."