"Oops, forgot my wallet"
Signs you got a bad pilot:
Welcome aboard ladies and gentleman, this is your pilot, Captain Crash speaking.
We are now cruising at an altitude of…hell, I don't know. Let's just say we're 'up there'.
Could someone please come up here and explain what this button does, being that it's my first flight and all?
Passengers on the right side of the plane, doesn't that engine sound funny to you?
Would one of the flight attendants please bring me a scotch on the rocks? And keep 'em coming.
Welcome aboard Flight 1105…(you idiots)…. de
We've reached our cruising altitude, so I'm turning off the seatbelt sign. I'm also switching to autopilot so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight.
Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be on the ground in approximately 10 minutes, one way or another.
Real airline slogans:
Jet Blue - You'll Want to Fly Again! (on some other airline)
Delta - Delta Gets You There (eventually)
Northwest - Some People Just Know How to Fly (we're hoping someone tells us who they are...soon)
Continental - We Really Move Our Tails for You (ask any of our flight attendants to demonstrate)
United Airlines - It's Time to Fly (until we tell you to get the hell off the plane)
American Airlines - Something Special in the Air (just like pixie dust, in fact that's what we use)
British Airways- We'll Take More Care of You (you cheeky bastards!)
I love flying :-)