An FOD guide for #TFW you’re out with Mom and Dad getting some sweet, sweet smoothies.
Is there anything cooler than a trip to get an ice cold treat with the adults who birthed you? No way. Smoothies are delicious, and your parents love you. When you take those two things into consideration, going out for smoothies with your parents may be the most heavenly activity you can do here on Earth.
This is Smoothie 101. Bananas make a good creamy base for any smoothie, plus they’re also a good source of potassium. Is your smoothie for breakfast? Put a banana in it. Is it for dessert? Put a banana in it! Fuhgettaboutit!
Though smoothies are cool in temperature, not everything about them can be cool. For instance, you have to pay money to get them. This girl from my high school works at the smoothie place that my parents and I usually go to, so I can get a smoothie for half price if she’s working, but my parents don’t really know her that well so they still have to pay full price. Even when I pay half price, that’s still about $3. Smoothies are kinda expensive!
How you get to the smoothie shoppe! Usually my mom drives because she doesn’t really like riding in the car when I’m driving. I don’t take it too personally because she doesn’t really like riding in the car when my dad’s driving. She’s one of those needs-to-drive moms—you know the type.
How I wish smoothies were! Unfortunately, the biggest size at Smoothie Hutte is 40 oz, and that’s actually a little much for me. It makes me feel sick if I drink it too fast, which I usually do because I have no self-control.
Me and Sheila (she’s the girl that works at Smoothie Hutte) aren’t exactly friends but she still gives me discounts cuz she’s mad nice. All I gotta do is give her the answers to all our precal homework next year and we’ll be cool. Free smoothies for lyfe, son! Shelia loves when I say stuff like that. Or, I mean, she always laughs at me when I say stuff like that, I like to think it's out of love.
How smoothies taste! DUH.
How my dad usually announces we’re going to get smoothies. Like, I’ll be talking and then he’ll go, “Hold on…” and then we’ll get Mom and all go get smoothies together. Sometimes it’s weird because I’m saying something important, but smoothies are more important for sure. It’s like my dad says, whatever I have to say can wait.
“Is It Kosher?”
Something else my dad says a lot, when he’s at the counter ordering smoothies. The thing is… we’re not even Jewish! Or well, my dad’s dad (my grandpa) is Jewish but not his mom (my grandma), so technically my dad is not Jewish and neither am I.
An important ingredient of any smoothie. I usually do orange juice but apple’s good too. Haven’t tried that many other juices in my lifetime/smoothies, TBH.
Sheila’s last name. We met each other because my last name is Krause so our lockers are near one another’s. She told me once that she could tell from the very first time we met me that I was “a frickin’ pansy ass bitch” who would “def" let her “copy the shit off of” my problem sets.
A mean word Sheila sometimes says that does not at all describe how I feel when I get smoothies with my parents. Some people might feel like a loser in this situation, but I love my dad and mom very much, almost as much as I love getting smoothies with them.
I guess you could put melon in your smoothie?? I've never gotten it, because I hate the mouthfeel of melon and am not sure if it would be any different blended into a smoothie. Aw, I just realized Mom would have worked better here because my mom is an important part of these events, way more important that melons!! My computer's backspace key is broken tho :(
One of my favorite parts about smoothies!!
One of my favorites part of smoothies
How nutritious they are!!!
How I feel right now writing this. Those last two were really scraping the barrel. I don’t think I have 26 things to say about getting smoothies with my parents. Wish I had chosen a topic more interesting like urban beekeeping, or more relevant like the 2017 French presidential election.
Oh I know! R U Kidding me with all these flavors!!! Strawberry, Banana, Coconut? Fuhgettaboutit! Wish my backspace key was working so I could edit out those question marks I put in this header, you know, since I thought of something to go there.
I dunno, like…sometimes if you get raspberries there’ll be some seeds in your smoothie—oh man, Smoothie would have gone better here probably. The word “Smoothie" starts with S. Maybe Sheila was right about me being "a idiot dweeb [sic]"
That thing Birthright…
…you know, where you are can go on a free trip to Israel if you are Jewish. I wasn’t allowed to go because I’m not Jewish, just my grandpa on my dad’s side is. Drank a lot of smoothies with my parents that summer, while all my friends were away on Birthright!
Uncle Shane (my dad’s brother)
He went on Birthright somehow even though he’s not Jewish. How does that work!!
How delicious the smoothies at Smoothie Hutte are, usually. Sometimes they’re not as delicious as other times, but that’s just goes to show that Smoothie Hutte only uses real, fresh fruit. Some flavors taste better than others, and that’s natural because different fruits are in season at different times! Smoothie Hutte is da bomb.
“Well that was ok”
What my mom usually says after we get smoothies together. She’s one of those moms who isn’t that enthusiastic—you know the type.
Googled this and found a site that called it “the secret to thick smoothies.“
I don’t know if your parents like smoothies the way mine do. I only know what my parents like.
Not at all good in smoothies but I don’t know any good Z words for this.
Illustration by Michele Rosenthal