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September 13, 2017
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Let's hear it for the laaaadies!

The Oval Office

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An alternative history (herstory) show, this stars a woman as the president, a woman as the Vice President, and a woman as whatever Rex Tillerson is. They all get along and have zero feuds with the Dippin Dots corporation.

Gil More Girls

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Dean would have been less insufferable as a woman.

All-women version of ‘Confederate’

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Can you even imagine if the South had won the Civil War? Then you have the capacity to imagine all women in this exact scenario.

A David Attenborough Nature Documentary

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It turns out it’s very difficult to remake a nature documentary because most of the featured species have gone extinct, and David Attenborough is very busy. So actually, this reboot is just the original documentary with Attenborough’s vocal pitch a lot higher, which sounds honestly nothing like a woman’s voice. But it’s a nature documentary so it’s pretty good anyway.

Teletubbies

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This keeps the original teletubbies (thank God!). Tilda Swinton will be the terrifying and all knowing sun baby.

The Book of Genesis

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Ever heard the saying: “it’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve”? Now we ditch Adam and Steve altogether! Featuring Eve and Eve and Eden (let’s be honest - beautiful, lush paradise? She’s a woman!), this beautiful remake shows how the world ends because women can’t reproduce except by asking God to take more ribs and make more, smaller women who are all on their cheat days, so hello Cursèd Apples! The last scene in the film shows them all lined up, like Russian nesting dolls except they can’t all fit into each other. But they get along and Satan gets annoyed with their tight knit friendships, so he never shows up and Eden becomes a nice short lived society of smaller and smaller women just being there for each other. So cute! So small! So women.

101 Dalmatians

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Every single dog will be a woman. Brace yourself, because it’s going to be 101 Bitches, and that’s the only joke in the whole movie.

WOMEN

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A reboot of GIRLS! Featuring the same cast, producers, and episodes, this is actually the exact same show but from a different camera angle so that everyone appears taller and therefore MUCH older. Lena Dunham will stand at 7 feet. Zosia Mamet will tower at 9 feet. Allison Williams will be so tall you can only see her shins, and Jemima Kirke will be a faint echo!

My Family Reunion

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Ugh, our most recent reunion was awful. True, it was just for our four-person nuclear family and also called “dinner,” but this was genuinely the worst. It would have been more fun had all the men been replaced by women. I guess we only have one man as it is, but my brother Daniel is on Reddit and won’t stop talking about it. Without him, all our “family dinners” will finally pass the Bechdel test and stop being ‘r/cringe.’

US [Wo]Men’s Soccer Team

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This would be amazing but maybe taking it too far. Can you even imagine what that would be like? Women playing soccer PROFESSIONALLY? It would be like Air Bud, but with women instead of dogs. Crazy.

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