Carly Bingenheimer, a transgender woman who had been working as a bathroom attendant in New York’s posh Waldorf Astoria hotel, has had her 18 year employment terminated after it was discovered that she has a huge, throbbing, uncircumcised penis.
Cleaning crews discovered the penis early Friday morning and it was quickly reported to management who callously fired the penis and the woman to whom it was attached. Patrons of the Waldorf were aghast to learn that the ‘woman’ they so trusted to hand them paper towels and feminine napkins, had in fact, a monster, veiny, knobby penis that she claims she tucked between her legs and secured there with a bit of chain. Many women reported that they openly allowed Ms.Bingenheimer to look at their private parts believing her to be a biological woman. Many of those woman are now seeking professional therapy.
“This is an outrage”, explained Myron Finkelberg, Ms. Bingenheimer’s lead council. “My client’s rights were trampled on and we are going to seek a substantial punitive financial punishment from the hate mongers at the Waldorf Astoria.” Many experts believe that the case will be successful as she was terminated from her position just a day after president Obama signed the landmark bill allowing transgender students to use whatever bathroom they choose. Further complicating the case is the fact that Ms. Bingenheimer was actually employed in the bathroom that she was let go from, thus making it an employment discrimination issue as well as a gender discrimination issue.
Whatever implications the case may take on, it is certain that it will be tied up in the courts for a long time and we will be reporting on it compulsively until it is the only issue people talk about and it gets huge national attention but in reality only affects a fraction of one percent of the population, thus distracting you with a non issue to avoid discussing what really matters on a large scale. So tune in for the ever crucial discussion about transgender bathroom rights that are tearing this great nation apart. We’ll tell you what is important after all.