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January 01, 2018
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This was rejected from McSweeney's, but it will always have a special place in my depression. Follow me of Twitter @zackpeercy.

It may be super cold right now, but these tweets are still fire emoji. Did you spend your Summer of ‘17 retweeting these gems? Maybe you should go fix that.


1. Sometimes in the dead of night, I remember Cameron Diaz’s rendition of Little Girls from Annie (2014) and I know that all hope is lost.
-Zack Peercy, not paid to be a film critic (@zackpeercy)

2. Ok but when are we going to get a dark and gritty Country Bears. Like a cross between Ray and Walk the Line. But with Bears.
-Zack Peercy, probably not a future Hollywood executive (@zackpeercy)

3. Movie industry every 20 years: This is the third film in the franchise AND it’s going to be in 3D, so guess what the fuck we’re calling it??
-Zack “lot of movie industry jokes” Peercy (@zackpeercy)

4. Is Mater’s catchphrase “Dad Gum”?
-Zack Peercy, depressed in bed for the second week in a row (@zackpeercy)

5. The funny thing about belts is where the fuck is my belt?
-Zack “Available For Hire” Peercy (@zackpeercy)

6. “Out of the doorway the bullets rip to the sound of the beat” and thus every trailer editor was inspired.
-Zack “I could really use any validation” Peercy (@zackpeercy)

7. Level of depression: Uptown Funk at a grocery store at 3AM.
-Zack Peercy, still unemployed after receiving his BFA in Creative Writing four months ago (@zackpeercy)

8. I know they had just discovered a whole village of death, but #Mulan should have eventually addressed that sexist catchy song.
-Zack “Cried During The Beginning of Mulan When Her Father Walks Without His Cane To Get His Papers” Peercy (@zackpeercy)

9. I had a nightmare that I got a really important email from LinkedIn.
-Zack “A Large Majority of My Underwear Has Holes in Them” Peercy (@zackpeercy)

10. I feel like “redefine your home” isn’t a slogan for remodeling; it’s for like living in a box.
-Zack Peercy, afraid of blue collar careers. (@zackpeercy)

11. Is the Ritz-Carlton just an elaborate art instillation style sequel to Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? Inquiring minds need ANSWERS! #FreshPrince
-Zack “Wants A Meaningful Life Full of Creativity and Love But Continues to Ignore His Reality and Make Any Progress to Improve His Situation And Just Post Stupid Shit on Twitter” Peercy (@zackpeercy)

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