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December 14, 2015

Condoms can be used for a LOT more than just sex.

WOW. Who would of thought condoms were meant for sex?! Last night, I found out. It felt GREAT! Anyway, condoms have been laying around my house since I was a baby and I guess I’ve been using them differently from everyone else. Here are seven things I have always used those little latex buddies for.

Banana Protector


Nothing is much worse than a bruised banana. Cover it with one of the hundreds of condoms you have laying around.

Beer Cozy


Awesome! Who doesn’t LOVE a cold beer, but nobody likes cold and clammy hands. Roll a condom over the can!

Snake Coat

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Winter is comin’ up and your pet snake needs a way to stay warm. Do the right thing as a pet owner here. Give that guy a coat!

Coin Carrier


You can fit up to $13 dollars in coins in a condom, go figure!

Heterosexual Sex (ONLY)


Ah, sex. Putting a condom on your peep makes sex feel worse but ensures 100% you don’t get a baby.WARNING: for straight sex ONLY. Gay sex is gross and wrong and I bet doesn’t feel good. Stop ruining marriage, gays. Gross. “Calling something marriage does not make it marriage. Marriage has always been a covenant between a man and a woman which is by its nature ordered toward the procreation and education of children and the unity and wellbeing of the spouses.”

Gun Holster


Yeah, I’m a gun owner too.

Book Mark

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Have you ever been caught reading your favorite book and realize it’s 8 o'clock? Put a condom in between the pages to save your spot. Time to watch ‘Huckabee!’

Fun Toy


Haha! Face it, condoms are fun to just play with too.

Sex was great. I love it now. Sex with a condom is great. But condoms are not one dimensional, as you now know.

P.S. If anyone wants to have sex with me and a condom, contact me. Only straight.