Full Credits

Stats & Data

March 22, 2017

I have no idea what this word means, but it sounds good. If it's any of these guesses, I'm all for it!

Let me start off by saying that I have no clue whatsoever, not even an inkling, of what a subpoena is. However, in hearing people discuss that word in association to Donald Trump, it sounds really important and like something we should probably do. If the definition of subpoena is any of these things, then I suggest we do it to Donald Trump as soon as possible:

Subpoena - noun - sub·poe·na

-the act of hanging a person by their ankles and throwing water balloons filled with milk at them

-when an old Italian grandmother scolds a person and hits them with a saucy wooden spoon

-making someone fart into a bag and then forcing them to pretend that that bag is their best friend

-making someone try and kiss a hungry penguin who’s got an attitude

-the act of forcing someone to release their tax returns and then when they do, you act like you don’t even give a shit about their stupid tax returns, but what’s the deal with Russia?

-the act of making it so every plane ride a person has it’s just that scary turbulence right before you land the whole entire time, with no headrest tv either

-the act of forcing someone to hire a spoiled middle-schooler with a nasty cough as their caddy every time they play golf

-the act of banning a person from tweeting, unless what they tweet is a picture of their tax returns and an embarrassing picture from a Christmas party in 2001

-subjecting someone to a group text among high school friends about where to eat dinner.

-forcing someone to go to the movies on a really really nice day

-keeping someone from going to the movies on a really really crappy day

-being forced to bathe in a poorly-inflated kiddie pool in front of a bunch of cool tweens

-demand that someone be held accountable, brought to court, and tried for wrongdoings

-the act of forcing someone to eat hummus until they die