This is in reference to the Funny Or Die “What Is The Best Sport?” bracket!
During a weekend JAM PACKED with sports action, the Funny or Die Best Sport Tournament shined brighter than any of the other crap. While some sports fans were busy watching the NCAA basketball tournament or spring training baseball or non-American football/soccer, true sports fans had both eyes plastered to the Funny or Die Best Sport tournament, voting and waiting for results. Even if you haven’t been following up to this point, we got you covered with analysis and results on all of the exciting sport on sport action.
Reverse Slam Dunk Region
1 Basketball 72%
2 Track And Field 52%
3 Cycling 46%
4 Swimming 54%
5 Rugby 69%
6 Bowling 59%
7 Weight Lifting 27%
8 Squash 33%
Headball Upper 90 Region
1 Soccer 77%
2 Hockey 71%
3 Tennis 45%
4 Gymnastics 50%
5 Track And Field 51%
6 Martial Arts 57%
7 Lacrosse 61%
8 Wrestling 57%
Bo Jackson Playing Baseball Region
1 Baseball 72%
2 Cricket 22%
3 Track And Field (Jumping) 67%
4 MMA Fighting 47%
5 Skiing 75%
6 Figure Skating 28%
7 Field Hockey 27%
8 Ultimate Frisbee 63%
Bo Jackson Playing Football Region
1 Football 76%
2 Track And Field 66%
3 Golf 53%
4 Boxing 61%
5 Volleyball 68%
6 Horse Racing 33%
7 Handball 38%
8 Water Polo 70%
Cricket can’t DODGE death BALL blow.
The biggest upset of the first round was #15 seed Dodgeball hurling the proverbial gym class rubber ball straight at the proverbial unathletic gut of #2 seed Cricket. And Cricket wasn’t even close to getting out of the way. The result has opened up a lot of talk that the Best Sport tournament is too U.S.A.-centric and quite frankly, that’s valid. I’m American and basically in charge of this thing and I don’t even know how to keep score in cricket.
‘Lance Jinx’ sinks Cycling.
Cycling is still digging itself out of the hole that disgraced drugged-up drug-taker Lance Armstrong put it in years ago. Rock climbing is one of the more open ended sports in the tournament, meaning it could refer to anything from American Gladiators style races to casually/dangerously scaling El Capitan in Yosemite with your buddies on a sunny Sunday afternoon. It seems that Cycling came into the tournament hobbling anyway, so this was an upset we saw coming a mile away.
Ping Pong Pummels MMA maniacs.
This, I didn’t see coming. Table Tennis, of all sports, taking out the most ruthless, physical sport in the whole tournament. This shows us one thing about the Best Sport tournament: Being the “Best Sport” has nothing to do with who can beat up who. Which means Golf could actually win this thing, unfortunately.
Snowboard Shreds Figure Skating.
Much like Cycling, the disgrace of Figure Skating’s most recognizable personalities has led to their downfall. With the recent release of ESPN’s 30 for 30 documentary, The Price of Gold, the seediest storyline in all of Figure Skating’s otherwise dignified and reserved history, is back on the tip of the sports world’s tongue, further amplifying the damning stuffiness of figure skating. Team Tonya!
Capture the Flag Captures Hearts and Minds (and Flags) of the Sports World.
In the most unexpected upset of the first round, schoolboy classic Capture the Flag took down Serena Williams and Tennis. It’s possible that the Best Sport crowd has a stark anti-country club tilt and who can blame them? Sports that you need special equipment and specific markings on the ground for are bound to be exclusive, and therefore, resented by those watching from the other side of the fence.
Surf’s Up, Horses Down.
Horses Surfing would have been a much better matchup as cool chill laid back island vibe’d Surfing soundly defeated the workingman’s vice: Horse Racing. One has to assume the disappearance of Off Track Betting sites in American cities has significantly squashed a new generation of Horse Racing enthusiasts (gamblers) and pushed them to more beautiful sports, like watching a tan blonde ride Earth’s gnarliest waves.
TRENDING UP: Generation X-zibits Surprising Dominance.
Once only a glimmer in the eye of Tony Hawk and Moutain Dew Inc., X-games kids have grown into X-games adults. And they are bringing their sports preferences with them! Surfing and snowboarding both scored big upsets in the first round and you GOTTA believe they have as much momentum as anyone going into their second round matches. Surfing is up against Golf in the second round and all of the world will be either rooting for surfing or against golf. But really, is there a difference?
TRENDING DOWN: Haughty Sports Fall To Schoolboy Sorts.
Sports with a tradition for cartoonishly rich, country-club type fans and participants—Tennis, Cricket, Figure Skating, Horse Racing, and Horse Polo—got walloped in the first round by predominantly chill, happy-go-lucky sports like Capture the Flag, Dodgeball, Surfing, and Snowboarding. If anything is accomplished by this Best Sport tournament, it will be to show that sports are not just for blue bloods with big fat money pockets, they are for everyone who loves to have fun playing a game but also likes to keep score and win.
2 MATCHUPS 2 WATCH
Track and Field (Decathlon) vs. Gymnastics:
A battle for the ages that pits the greatest athletes who choose to do gymnastics things vs. the greatest athletes who choose to do track and field things.
Baseball vs. Ultimate Frisbee:
Much like presidential elections, this matchup will come down to whether the young burnouts turn out to vote in the same numbers as the old heads. Baseball has the history but Ultimate Frisbee has the BUZZ.
UPSET PICK 2 WATCH
Surfing will beat Golf.
Golf is the last Country Club-sport left on the board and Surfing comes in with loads of potential and momentum and boards with giant cool shark bites taken out of them.
Capture the Flag will beat Martial Arts.
MIXED Martial Arts fell off the board last round so it’s only a matter of time before boring old REGULAR Martial Arts suffers the same fate. Also, Capture the Flag is tons of fun and people know that once they’re reminded it exists.