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October 21, 2016
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The diary of a hapless party clown caught in the middle of the scary-clown madness.

October 1, 2016
Work has been slow to say the least. This past summer my schedule was
packed with birthday parties. As of late, however, I’m lucky if I book
one or two parties per week… if at all.

October 2, 2016
The parents of one of the kids whose birthday party I had scheduled
today called to tell me that they not only didn’t want me to come, but
would pay me to not show up. I took them up on the offer, but that
didn’t make me feel much better about things.

October 3, 2016
Went food shopping and attempted to give a little girl a lollipop.
I’ve never seen anyone cry so hard.

October 4, 2016
I took a stroll in the park since it was such a gorgeous day. My
serenity was ruined when a pleasant-seeming family saw me and would
not stop running.

October 5, 2016
The brush behind my house has gotten very overgrown, so I grabbed my
chainsaw and set out to do some clearing. Didn’t get much work done,
though. My neighbors called the cops on me again. Took about a half
hour of convincing them I wasn’t a threat until they let me be.

October 6, 2016
Wanted to squeeze in some cardio by day’s end. What a mistake that
was. Note to self: jogging at night is probably not my greatest idea.
I tried to catch up to a car that wouldn’t pass me. They sped off so
quickly their tire marks are probably still smoldering on the
pavement.

October 7, 2016
Watched The Greatest Show on Earth to cheer myself up. I long for a
time when us clowns were respected members of society.

October 8, 2016
I read today that Ronald McDonald has gone into hiding. If that guy is
going underground, what hope is there for the rest of us? I became a
clown to spread joy, but I’m starting to think my mother was right. I
should have just gotten that job at Chipotle.

October 9, 2016
Tried making balloon animals without my costume, wig, and makeup on.
It just isn’t the same.

October 10, 2016
My girlfriend broke up with me today. Apparently it’s “too risky”
dating a clown these days. I honestly don’t blame her.

October 11, 2016
Stayed inside all day since there’s no use in venturing out anymore.
At times like these, I’m just glad there’s one of us running for
President of the United States.

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