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February 27, 2017

"I really don't know how I missed out on that"

White Guy Living in Dumpster Wondering Where He Can Sign Up for That White Privilege Everyone Talking About

After hearing that he was endowed from birth with economic and political advantages over the peers he once presumed to be his equals, local New York homeless guy Jack McCracker Jonson began wondering where he can sign up for that white privilege everyone’s talking about.

Mr Jonson, who made a refuge for himself inside an industrial dumpster in the city outskirts, told reporters that he was very excited to get the free yachts and mansions that were naturally owed to him and all his fellow white men because of the color of their skin.

“I mean I really don’t know how I missed out on that,” said the malnourished man while lamenting the more than fifty years he suffered under the pangs of poverty when he could’ve been enjoying the life of wealth, power and debauchery that was bequeathed to him by ancestral right. “I just found out the other day when I was going through my begging rounds and this little lady with pink hair told me that I should stop asking for money and check my privilege. I was just like, how? Where? Where can I check my privilege? Is it like a bank account? Do I have a positive balance? Where do I get my free million dollars?”