Dear Super Squad,
I wish I could say this was hard for me, but it’s not. It’s definitely time that I leave the Super Squad.
How a regular guy like me, without powers, has fought supervillains for the past four years and survived is insane. To be honest, none of it was fun. Most of it was terrifying and painful, even though you all seemed to enjoy yourselves and got through it with your wisecracks, generally jovial natures, and what-not.
I don’t want you to think I’m blaming you for having fun. If I was practically invincible I would have had a lot of fun, too. I don’t even blame Thoral The Powerful for throwing my parachute out of the plane that one time as a “joke” and making me jump without one. At the end of the day, he did catch me before I slammed into the ground, so it’s all good.
What finally made me realize I needed to quit was the fact that we fight a giant ape named Monstroso on a regular basis. When we’re not fighting him it’s some kind of robot army. I’ve never felt a fear greater than facing a robot army of thousands. I hope I never will.
Of course, I’m happy with my contributions to the team, and I admit I’m highly skilled. I’m an excellent shot and a computer genius, but that isn’t exactly the skill-set we need when fighting super powered villains. Those skills certainly won’t help me when Monstroso’s Volkswagon-sized fist crushes my skull.
I can’t keep doing this to my wife and my son. Every time I leave for work, even if it’s just for a debriefing, they fear for my life. After ten years of this, my wife is a shell of her former self, and I can see the resentment brewing in my son’s baby blue eyes.
I know you keep saying that you need me, but you don’t. I spent most of 2013 in a coma and you guys were just fine. You even saved the world from being sucked into Dr. Nightmare’s black hole while I was in the hospital. The nurses told me you only visited me once, by the way. I get that you were busy saving the world, but Silk Phantom can teleport. I at least expected a few visits from her.
The irony is that the thing that put me in a coma wasn’t even a supervillain. I was hit by a car just trying to keep up with you guys while you flew and flung yourselves through the city.
Let’s just make a clean break now before I’m killed. I still love you guys but please don’t invite me to any more parties or BBQs. We’re attacked so often at those things.
Doug, AKA Silver Shot
Thanks for reading! I have a really funny adventure-comedy book coming out in a few months. Follow this link to get some free chapters of it and other updates!