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November 13, 2017
Published
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Manelito and Lance are at it again.

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Lance is a golf pro who runs a golf course and has a short temper. He also has an exalted opinion of himself and likes to lord it over other people. Manelito is a poor Mexican man who came illegally to this country but eventually gained citizenship. Though he works as a golf attendant at minimum wage bringing golf clubs for members when they show up at the club and seeing to their needs (bringing them drinks); Manelito is determined to prove he’s as good as the rich members of the club—-and also Lance, with whom he is often at odds. Lance would fire Manelito if he could, but he can’t. Lance’s boss over him in the big office hired Manelito and likes him. Lance is stuck with him. Manelito knows more English than he lets on to keep Lance off balance and to fool him.

Manelito uses a combination of Spanish and English (Spanglish) to mock Lance and drive him crazy.

At the golf course attendants use a truck with a scoop on the front of it to scoop up golf balls on the driving range. The truck has a protective cage so the driver scooping up the balls on the driving range won’t get hit with a golf ball, as golfers continue to practice hitting golf balls onto the range while the truck is scooping them up. The collected balls are loaded onto a cart, taken to a work station and washed, then returned to be used (hit) again by other golfers on the driving range.

The driving range also has a nearby practice putting green.

Today Manelito is given the task to drive the truck and collect the balls. He sees Lance the golf pro out at the practice putting green where he is giving a young lady a golf lesson in how to chip (hit) a ball onto the putting green. Numerous golf balls are on the grass near Lance to be used for the lesson.

Lance also has his own golf cart nearby with more practice balls in a basket stored on the cart for extras.

Earlier Lance had chewed Manelito out for some trivial imagined mistake in an insulting manner.

Manelito, driving the truck collecting balls, swerves over and pulls close to where Lance is giving the young lady her golf lesson. He scoops up the balls almost all of them right next to Lance, who he pretends not to see, and pulls away, heading back out over the broad flat expanse of the driving range.

Lance’s face turns beet red. He flies into a rage.

He runs for his golf cart and gives chase, following Manelito.

Lance – (yelling) Goddamn you!

Manelito is driving the truck, oblivious, smiling, whistling, jolly.

Lance - Goddamn you sonofabitch stop!

Manelito is chewing gum.

Lance - You motherfu’ker I said stop!

Manelito looks straight ahead as Lance pulls almost even with him and looking neither left or right; acts like he doesn’t know Lance is down there in his cart.

Lance - Stop the fu’kin picker (truck) you motherfuc’in ass-ho’e!

Manelito is singing to himself.

Lance hits a bump in his cart and the balls he had stored in the basket tumble out and spill onto the driving range.

Lance - Stop goddamn you stop I said stop stop!

Manelito looks around quizzically, as if he hears something, still not looking at the infuriated Lance in his cart just behind him shaking his fist.

Lance - You fu’kin ass-bite will you stop the motherf’kin sonofabitc’n truck STOP STOP!

Manelito slows and stops. He looks over to see Lance in his cart and acts surprised.

Lance stops and jumps out of his cart, his face crimson, his chest heaving.

Lance (yells) Do you have a problem with me?

Manelito – Senior?

Lance – (raging) Do you have a problem with me?

Manelito – Que esta pasando? (What is wrong?)

Lance – You did that deliberately!

Manelito – Senior? Del-lib-er-ly. What mean? Que pasa? (What’s up?)

Lance – (screaming) Do you have a problem with me?

Manelito – (urging calm, acts amazed) Soy tu problema (I’m your problem)

Lance – Speak English you stupid… didn’t they teach you any English when you climbed over the border wall?

Manelito – Si senior. Apestas! (You stink, pronounced a-pissed)

Lance – You’re goddamn right I’m pissed

Manelito – Puta! (Bitch!)

Lance – Yes puta. I’m a puta, a putting teacher. Putt. You stupid…. you finally got it right. Putt. Putt I was teaching putting.

Manelito – Eres la gran puta (You’re the biggest bitch)

Lance – Grand? Don’t try to flatter me I’m the greatest putter

Manelito – Si

Lance – I’m going to write you up for this I’ll have your ass in a sling.

Manelito – Sling senior? What sling?

Lance – You’re a moron!

Manelito – Culo! (Ass, pronounced cool-o)

Lance – You think being a moron is cool?

Manelito – Si

Lance – Get out of that truck and help me pick up the balls I lost

A golf ball hit by one of the practice golfers on the driving range 100 yards away flies by just missing Lance’s head. He jumps back into his cart and speeds off. Manelito resumes driving the truck as if nothing happened, scooping up golf balls. He smiles and laughs.

He happily sings a Spanish song.

More next week.

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