Happy Cyber Monday, internet! For the next 12 hours, the World Wide Web will be brimming with fantastic deals on this year’s hottest gizmos and gadgets. Below is a list of my top online tech deals for the year (all of which I would buy if FOD editor Nate Dern wasn’t too cheap to authorize them). Enjoy!
1) Panther Spy Drone [55% Off]
It’s almost 2015. I shouldn’t have to get up and walk to the break room every time I want a ginger ale. But try explaining that to Nate Dern. Get with the times, grandpa.
2) Illumicube [25% Off]
This giant glowing cube is both a great alternative to fluorescent lighting and a terrific conversation starter. Unfortunately, Nate claims that Wheat Thins and Raisin Bran are a better use of the office budget.
Nate, you’ve been complaining for months that we don’t have a proper bagel slicer in the kitchen. Now a Pestilence machete/knife combo goes on sale and you suddenly want no part of it? Hey, man, if you can think of a cooler way to slice a bagel, I would love to hear it.
4) Night Riderz Lighted Zipline [25% Off]
Zipline. LED lights. Need I say more? This is the kind of purchase Cyber Monday was made for, and yet, I can’t get authorization to buy a single one of these things. It’s absurd. Everyone at Google is zooming around on razor scooters and we can’t even have a single LED-lit zipline connecting the prop closet to the conference room? Jesus Christ.
5) Ultrasonic Hand Moisturizer [$30 Off]
I absolutely agree that a $130 hand moisturizer is a ridiculous purchase, but at $30 off, you’d be an idiot not to buy it. Nate, we’d have the softest hands of all the comedy news providers on the net. Do you want to end up like those course-palmed goons over at College Humor?!
6) Grillbot Automatic Grill Cleaning Robot [25% Off]
We’re going to feel pretty dumb if we get a grill next summer and we don’t have a Grillbot Automatic Grill Cleaning Robot. But I won’t be the one who has to live with that decision…
7) JBL D6 SpearFishing SpearGun [$9 Off]
It’s on sale and it fires spears. I shouldn’t have to beg for this kind of thing.