I think I’m becoming an adult you guys. When I was 8,Christmas was right around the corner, and although waiting for December 31stto come had always gotten me antsy and excited, I think that year my excitement was especially strong. There was a game that I really wanted and was almost positive that I was going to get it. Come Christmas morning, I hopped out ofbed, ran down stairs, and was certain that the game that I wanted was downstairs waiting for me like a high school senior waiting to lose his virginity after prom. To my surprise, it was nowhere to be found.
I wasn’t angry or sad, but I definitely wasn’t happy. If anything, I was disappointed and confused, but still generally okay that things didn’t turn out the way that I expected them to. And that’s pretty much how I feel at the current moment. I can confidently say that I’m definitely not happy, I’m not sad, I’m just…unsatisfied with everything…well…maybe not everything; A large and steadily growing list of “things”. However, I think that this is (or has the potential to be) a good thing. There are millions of people who are much older than I am who can’t admit that they’re just not happy, and this just makes those people even sadder. Sadder? Ummmmm…”not happy?” yeah, let’s just say “not happy”.
I’m not happy that I haven’t gotten a job yet. I’m not satisfied with my skill level as a comedian or artist. The fact that I can’t move into an apartment yet blows. I can’t afford anything. I don’t like being weird. I’m not happy that If somebody asked me the question “why are you not happy?” the first thing I would say would be “I don’t know man, just let me finish your burrito.” And to top it all off, I don’t think I like myself; I think I’m pretty annoying actually. But I’m OKAY, I genuinely believe that I could have it much worse than this. I mean, Tupac Shakur got shot to death, a shit ton of people got drafted into World War II, and a cat fell from a very tall building. So in a general sense, I think I have it easier than most.
I’m just growing up, struggle is apart of that, and struggle is AWESOME! Do you think great stories start with “and everyone lived happily ever after?” Why do you think people love underdogs and hate trust fund babies?But it is tough, and I really wish that I felt like I had a person (or group of people) that I could just talk to, that I wanted to talk to, that actually (or are really good at pretending) care about and wanted to talk to me. I would love this, but honestly…the only person that can help me is “me”, which sucks because I have no idea what I’m doing. It would also be nice if my family and friends weren’t on the other side of the country.
I think I’m still a kid, and whatever I’m going through now seems like a little too much even for me. Then again, Struggle is AWESOME! And my current struggle may just be the best thing to ever happen to me. I mean,before I moved to L.A, the toughest thing that I had to go through was not having any friends and getting into a fight with some kids that were up to no good on a basketball court. And although my life wasn’t turned into a sitcom on t.v, I’m growing every day, and it feels pretty good to be able to write that down and not be sarcastic about it.
I am a physical manifestation of Detroit. My past was great,things got bad for a while, but ultimately my future looks pretty good. This isthe first time that I’ve put myself in a position where I truly had to take care of myself, and even though I’m not happy, that doesn’t mean that I won’t be; Also, I think that I’m doing a pretty good job. I’m not qualified to give advice to anyone, but if you’re going through something like me (which everyone should) then just know that everything is going to be fine. Like jay-Z, you have 99 problems; and like me, you’re probably stressing too much over 98 of them. This is a really good period in your life, and the hardship your going through, which I think is different for everybody, is just proof of that. You guys, I think that I’m becoming an adult. But please excuse me, there’s a new episode of Pokémon that needs watching.