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Published: October 06, 2015
Description: American Apparel has declared bankruptcy and founder and former CEO Dov Charney is losing his $8.2 million stake in company in the deal. We have a detailed list of all the jobs for which Dov Charney is qualified.
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An American Apparel ad? Or film by future porno director Dov Charney?

American Apparel has declared bankruptcy and founder and former CEO Dov Charney is losing his $8.2 million stake in the company in the deal. What is Dov Charney going to do now that he can’t make money via his former company? We have a detailed list of all the jobs for which Dov Charney is qualified.


  • Porno Director: Woman in ill-fitting, high-cut (on crotch) and low-cut (on breasts) leotard and tube socks.
  • Porno Director: Topless woman who vaguely looks like 1970s starlet in Daisy Duke–length running shorts joined by topless woman who vaguely looks like 1980s starlet in sparkly neon green leggings.
  • Porno Director: Woman wearing ugly, oversized hipster glasses, thong bodysuit, and legwarmers looking directly into camera with legs spread apart. She’s clearly looking to scissor another woman wearing same.
  • Porno Director: Two women wearing bodysuits with butt cutouts touching each others’ butts. Legalize Gay!
  • Porno Director: Woman wearing nothing but a tube top and thigh-highs having an orgasm, ostensibly due to the thigh-highs.
  • Porno Director: Woman in mesh bodysuit shot in style of Terry Richardson against white background with black block lettering that reads: “Made In USA.” The period at the end of “Made in the USA.” covers the woman’s nipple.
  • Porno Director: Fingerless gloves!
  • Porno Director: A woman (girl?) who definitely wants to fuck wearing men’s underwear and showing some pube stubble.
  • Porno Director: Woman with shitty bangs and open mouth wearing nothing but scrunchies on all of her appendages. Scrunchies are a fabric-covered elastic hair-tie accessory popularized in the late 1980s that were joked about in an episode of Sex and the City. We can all agree that Berger was terrible for Carrie, right?
  • Porno Director: 40-something mustachioed creepy man — preferably director himself — joined by a much younger white woman in a wet bodysuit and a sexual harassment lawsuit.
  • Porno Director: Just some upskirt! Ooh la la!
  • Porno Director: Woman, pretending to be dead but in a sexy way, inexplicably donning a goddamn bodysuit yet again.
  • Porno Director: Woman unzipping her neon yellow spandex bodysuit until her breasts are revealed. Beneath, a list of locations where one can purchase said bodysuit to reveal one’s own breasts, although one will probably never purchase one of said bodysuits because, let’s face it, they are ridiculous.
  • Republican Presidential Candidate: Must have interest in furthering long career of demeaning women and alienating their rights.
  • Porno Director: Man, simply standing there, wearing jeans, a plaid button down, and a blank expression. It’s about the clothes, OK?
  • Porno Director: Whatever you want as long as it’s sexist and involves a bodysuit.
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