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Stats & Data

August 31, 2015

This 100% isn't true but for the heck of it, let's meet some of these sexy, horny, married women who have decided now is the time to sign up for Ashley Madison.

For those of you during this whole Ashley Madison hack scandal who were worried that it would hurt the site’s traffic and profits, don’t worry. The company released a statementsaying that “this past week alone, hundreds of thousands of new users signed up for the Ashley Madison platform — including 87,596 women.”

You hear that? Not only are people inexplicably rushing in hoards to sign up the for the now notoriously insecure extramarital affairs hub, women are doing it, too! Real women, they swear! Despite the fact the reports from the hacks noted that only 5–10% of users were female and of those accounts only about 1% were not bots or inactive accounts, Ashley Madison has suddenly managed to attract almost 100,000 real women in the past week. Cool!

Every single thing points to this being inaccurate. No, not the fact that men are signing up — that’s very likely happening — but that women are. But, hey! Let’s give this company that’s earned zero of our trust the benefit of the doubt and take a peak at a few of the usernames of these tens of thousands of real horny, unhappily married ladies.

  • RealGirl6969
  • RealGirlRealerBoobs
  • affairinista101
  • UnhappilyMarriedButFaithful2U
  • HornySingleInUrArea
  • NotIn2SingleBoyz
  • SexBot404
  • MarriedVIRGIN
  • HazNoJealousyIssuez99
  • love2cheat
  • sexycheatah
  • JustLikeSexNoCommittment2000
  • SexyButMyHubbyThinksImUggo
  • faithful2cheating87
  • girlfuckmachine
  • infidelity4life
  • Lookin4MarriedHunk

Weirdly enough, all these accounts had the same bio that just read, “must be discreet. message me for a good time ;-).” That makes sense, though, because they all have one thing in common: Being incredibly sexy, real, and looking to fuck someone who isn’t their husband.