CORNBREAD

After a mere 12 minutes and 50 seconds, Cornbread’s grin was a goner. Was it the weight of his goatee forcing his upper lip down? Were his facial hairs trying to come together like some kind of magnetic velcro? Is magnetic velcro a thing? If not, do you think we could invent it and make money off of it?


MICHELLE

She claims her loss was the result of a terminal case of “Resting B Face,” but we think it’s more like a case of “Active T Face” aka “Active Tongue Face.” That’s right, she was licking her lips. The only way we’d attribute this elimination to “Resting B Face” would be if the “B” stood for balm. You know, like she had been resting instead of applying lip balm and that’s why she had to lick her lips(?).


RON

Not surprisingly, yet another goateed loss. (See: Cornbread entry above). Scientifically speaking, Ron was able to last nearly twice as long as Cornbread because his goatee is about half as long. Also, Magnetic Velcro is now PATENT PENDING, so don’t even think about stealing our idea.


AUBREY

The pool is Aubrey’s happy place! She loves chilling poolside in Vegas and even vowed to integrate bikinis into weather forecasting, so it makes sense that Aubrey would add some liquid to the smile challenge. Unfortunately, the liquid she added was saliva. Have you ever been in a pool filled with saliva? No? Well, let me be the first to tell you that it’s for a good reason: they smell weird.


CHRISTINA

Christina is very in touch with her emotions. She was the first contestant to cry in Episode 1 and in the smile challenge, she was giggling uncontrollably. What was her undoing? “HOW COULD SHE LOSE,” you ask? She let her smile drop while readjusting her face in the chinrest. Honestly, she was probably doing it to settle in for another six or seven more hours of giggling and smiling, but in the split second that her brain was thinking “I should get more comfortable,” her expression instantly clicked over from “smile mode” to “chin support mode” and it was all over for her.


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