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July 29, 2015

It's streaming on Netflix starting in August!


LeVar Burton is almost as excited as we are!

Get ready for some serious ’90s nostalgia! Netflix is adding Reading Rainbow in August, so it’s time to binge-watch one of the best children’s shows ever made. To celebrate, I’ve ranked all 155 episodes of Reading Rainbow in order of awesomeness! Let’s do this!

155. “Beegu” (Narrated by Freddie Prinze, Jr.) Season 20 Episode 4
Far and away the worst episode of Reading Rainbow on far and away the worst season of the show. A washed up Freddie Prinze Jr. reading a mediocre book about a yellow alien? Sorry Reading Rainbow. Not your finest work.

154. “Mufaro’s Beautiful Daughters” (Narrated by Phylicia Rashad) Season 6 Episode 10
I love Phylicia Rashad, but her reading of this weird tale about a king choosing a wife by spying on them left me cold. Also, LeVar, why are you celebrating the culture of Africa in Central Park? Lame!

153. “Hail to Mail” (Narrated by Al Roker) Season 12 Episode 7
Well, there’s no surprises here. We all know that Al Roker should have stuck to the weather- wait a minute. I just calculated that it took me 57 hours to watch all these episodes. Hmm.

152. “Seashore Surprises” (Narrated by LeVar Burton) Season 10 Episode 8
When their special guest dropped out, LeVar had to step in and read the book himself. Is it sad that I know that? I’m just realizing how much time out of my life is gone because I watched and ranked every episode of Reading Rainbow.

151. “Zin! Zin! Zin! A Violin” (Narrated by Gregory Hines) Season 15 Episode 5
These shows go on Netflix and it’s like they know how nostalgic we get for ’90s stuff! They know that’s how to suck us in! They’re selling us back our childhoods to make a profit. I actually pitched this article, thinking that it was “important” to catalog all these episodes. Also, this episode was surprisingly bad, because Gregory Hines didn’t dance at all!

150. “Is This a House for Hermit Crab?” (Narrated by Eartha Kitt) Season 11 Episode 8
Maybe people are right, maybe millenials are deluding themselves into infinitely delaying adulthood.

149. “Animal Cafe” (Narrated by Martin Short) Season 4 Episode 1
Jesus, what am I doing? Will anyone even read this article? No! Some administrative assistant might be bored enough to click through all 155 slides, but there’s no way she’s reading the words. There is not a person in the world who’s life is better because I’m writing this. Maybe Freddie Prinze Jr. might feel a little worse about himself. I went to Columbia journalism school.

148. “The Tin Forest” (Narrated by Jeff Bridges) Season 19 Episode 1
You know what? I could start making up titles and no one would know the difference. Which of the following is a real Reading Rainbow episode?

147. “Math Curse” (Narrated by Michelle Trachtenberg) Season 17 Episode 1

146. “Tie Your Shoes, Mr. Blue!” (Narrated by Calista Flockheart) Season 16 Episode 4

145.“Grapes Don’t Dance” (Narrated by Ian McKellen) Season 4 Episode 2
The Michelle Trachtenberg episode is real! How am I getting away with this? My editor doesn’t even check over my work. That’s right. Those are my generation’s journalistic standards. Is it a numbered list about a ’90s TV show? Great! Let’s just put that right up there on the website!

144. “The Talking Poop” (Narrated by A Piece of Poop) Season 1 Episode 1
Ha! Nothing matters! I’m 29 and I broke up with my boyfriend to focus on my career, so I’m feeling great right now.

143. “1 Out of 5 Black Men Are In Prison” (Narrated by America’s History of Slavery) Season This Actually Matters Episode Stop Talking About It and Do Something
This is the article I should have written.

142. “Arthur’s Eyes” (Narrated by Bill Cosby) Season 1 Episode 13
And this is a real episode. Fuck me.

141. “Tight Times” (narrated by Patrick McCaffrey) Season 1 Episode 1

140. “Miss Nelson Is Back” (narrated by Ruth Buzzi) Season 1 Episode 2

139. “Bea and Mr. Jones” (narrated by Madeline Kahn) Season 1 Episode 3
No, I’m not listing these in chronological order now, they really all just got progressively better every episode.

138. “Louis the Fish” (narrated by Vincent Gardenia) Season 1 Episode 5

137. “Digging Up Dinosaurs” (narrated by Linda Gelman) Season 1 Episode 6

136. “Liang and the Magic Paintbrush” (narrated by Lauren Tom) Season 1 Episode 7

135. “Gila Monsters Meet You at the Airport” (Pilot) (narrated by Douglas Parvin) Season 1 Episode 8

134. “Three Days on a River in a Red Canoe” (narrated by Carolyn McHanon) Season 1 Episode 9

133. “The Gift of the Sacred Dog” (narrated by Michael Ansara) Season 1 Episode 10

132. “Gregory the Terrible Eater” (narrated by Marilyn Michaels) Season 1 Episode 11

131. “The Day Jimmy’s Boa Ate the Wash” (narrated by Kaleena Kiff and Laura Hicks) Season 1 Episode 14

130. “Ty’s One-Man Band” (narrated by Lou Rawls) Season 1 Episode 15

129. “Hot-Air Henry” (narrated by [William Windom](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Windom_(actor))) Season 2 Episode 1

128. “Simon’s Book” (narrated by Ruby Dee) Season 2 Episode 2

127. “Ox-Cart-Man” (narrated by Lorne Greene) Season 2 Episode 3

126. “Mystery on the Docks” (narrated by Raul Julia) Season 2 Episode 4

125. “A Chair for My Mother” (narrated by Amy Linker) Season 2 Episode 5

124. “Paul Bunyan” (narrated by Buddy Ebsen) Season 3 Episode 1

123. “The Patchwork Quilt” (narrated by Isabel Sanford) Season 3 Episode 2

122. “Hill of Fire” (narrated by Fernando Escandon) Season 3 Episode 3

121. “The Tortoise and the Hare” (narrated by Gilda Radner) Season 3 Episode 4

120. “Perfect the Pig” (narrated by James Coco) Season 3 Episode 5

119. “Alistair in Outer Space” (narrated by Arnold Stang) Season 4 Episode 2
Hold on to your hats, things really get going in Season 4! Oh, wait, it’s just more reading children’s stories out loud? Cool.

118. “Feelings” (narrated by Raima Evans, Jessica, Laura Haymann, Paul Sidoriak, Jonathan Rose, Timothy Oakes, Jerry David, and Pamela Stogner) Season 4 Episode 3

117. “Watch the Stars Come Out” (narrated by Laura Haymann) Season 4 Episode 4

116. “Mama Don’t Allow” (narrated by [Fred Newman](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fred_Newman_(actor))) Season 4 Episode 5

115. “Space Case” (narrated by Michael Winslow) Season 4 Episode 6

114. “The Milk Makers” (narrated by Alaina Reed) Season 4 Episode 7

113. “Imogene’s Antlers” (narrated by Imogene Coca) Season 4 Episode 8

112. “Germs Make Me Sick!” (narrated by Molly Mandlin) Season 4 Episode 9

111. “Abiyoyo” (narrated and sung by Pete Seeger) Season 4 Episode 10

110. “The Life Cycle of the Honeybee” (narrated by Barbara Feldon) Season 5 Episode 1

109. “Keep the Lights Burning, Abbie” (narrated by Sada Thompson) Season 5 Episode 2

108. “Chickens Aren’t the Only Ones” (narrated by Georgia Engel) Season 5 Episode 3

107. “The Paper Crane” (narrated by Keye Luke) Season 5 Episode 4

106. “The Runaway Duck” (narrated by Orson Bean) Season 5 Episode 5

105. “A Three Hat Day” (narrated by Zelda Rubinstein) Season 5 Episode 6

104. “Rumpelstiltskin” (narrated by Ralph Waite) Season 5 Episode 7

103. “Best Friends” (narrated by Liza Siegler) Season 5 Episode 8

102. “Meanwhile Back at the Ranch” (narrated by Hoyt Axton) Season 5 Episode 9

101. “My Little Island” (narrated by [Ron Foster](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ron_Foster_(actor))) Season 5 Episode 10

100. “The Bionic Bunny Show” (narrated by Gene Klavan) Season 6 Episode 1
Only 99 more to go! Kids, reading is great, but make sure you also learn how to copy and paste!

99. “Bugs” (narrated by Lori Delgado and Edwin Maldonado, Jr.) Season 6 Episode 2

98. “The Robbery at the Diamond Dog Diner” (narrated by Peter Falk) Season 6 Episode 3

97. “Brush” (narrated by Hector Elizondo) Season 6 Episode 5

96. “The Purple Coat” (narrated by Jack Gilford) Season 6 Episode 5

95. “Barn Dance!” (narrated by Roy Clark) Season 6 Episode 6

94. “Duncan and Dolores” (narrated by Jane Curtin) Season 6 Episode 7

93. “Knots on a Counting Rope” (narrated by J. Ruben Silverbird and Kenneth Blank) Season 6 Episode 8

92. “Mummies Made in Egypt” (narrated by Corinne Orr) Season 6 Episode 9

91. “Humphrey the Lost Whale: A True Story” (narrated by Jane Pauley) Season 7 Episode 1

90. “Stay Away from the Junkyard!” (narrated by Michele Mariana) Season 7 Episode 2

89. “Little Nino’s Pizzeria” (narrated by Josh Saviano) Season 7 Episode 3

88. “Ludlow Laughs” (narrated by Phyllis Diller) Season 7 Episode 4

87. “Dinosaur Bob and His Adventures with the Family Lazardo” (narrated by Edward Asner) Season 7 Episode 5

86. “Dive to the Coral Reefs” (narrated by Fran Bill) Season 7 Episode 6

85. “Desert Giant: The World of the Saguaro Cactus” (narrated by Philip Basco) Season 7 Episode 7

84. “Tooth-Gnasher Superflash” (narrated by Victoria Jackson) Season 7 Episode 8

83. “Bored—Nothing to Do!” (narrated by Alex Borg and David Hyman) Season 7 Episode 9

82. “Sports Pages” (narrated by LeVar Burton) Season 7 Episode 10

81. “The Magic School Bus Inside the Earth” (narrated by Keisha Knight-Pulliam) Season 8 Episode 1

80. “Jack, the Seal and the Sea” (narrated by Leslie Uggams) Season 8 Episode 2

79. “The Bicycle Man” (narrated by Tom Matsusaka) Season 8 Episode 3

78. “Florence and Eric Take the Cake” (narrated by Julia Child) Season 8 Episode 4

77. “Sunken Treasure” (narrated by Robert Morse) Season 8 Episode 5

76. “Alistair’s Time Machine” (narrated by Arnold Stang) Season 9 Episode 1

75. “The Adventures of Taxi Dog” (narrated by Vincent Gardenia) Season 9 Episode 2

74. “The Legend of the Indian Paintbrush” (narrated by Harold Littlebird) Season 9 Episode 3

73. “Galimoto” (narrated by Hattie Winston) Season 9 Episode 4

72. “Fox on the Job” (narrated by [Fred Newman](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fred_Newman_(actor))) Season 9 Episode 5

71. “Opt: An Illusionary Tale” (narrated by LeVar Burton) Season 9 Episode 6

70. “Raccoons and Ripe Corn” (narrated by Julia Barr) Season 9 Episode 7

69. “The Lady with the Ship on Her Head” (narrated by Marilyn Pasekoff) Season 9 Episode 8

68. “Kate Shelley and the Midnight Express” (narrated by Brian Dennehy) Season 9 Episode 9

67. “Snowy Day: Stories and Poems” (narrated by Lena Horne, Lacey Chabert, and Richard Courtney) Season 9 Episode 10

66. “Tar Beach” (narrated by Ruby Dee) Season 10 Episode 1

65. “The Wall” (narrated by Jason Ruggiero) Season 10 Episode 2

64. “Sam the Sea Cow” (narrated by Jason Robards) Season 10 Episode 3

63. “Rechenka’s Eggs” (narrated by Viveca Lindfors) Season 10 Episode 4

62. “Sophie and Lou” (narrated by Lola Falana) Season 10 Episode 5

61. “Come a Tide” (narrated by Dixie Carter) Season 10 Episode 6

60. “The Piggy in the Puddle” (narrated by Tovah Feldshuh) Season 10 Episode 7

59. “Seashore Surprises” (narrated by LeVar Burton) Season 10 Episode 8

58. “Through Moon and Stars and Night Skies” (narrated by Andrew Lei) Season 10 Episode 9

57. “Berlioz the Bear” (narrated by James Avery) Season 10 Episode 10

56. “Amazing Grace” (narrated by Tyne Daly) Season 11 Episode 1

55. “The Furry News” (narrated by the cast of Forbidden Broadway and Lee Murphy) Season 11 Episode 2

54. “Mrs. Katz and Tush” (narrated by Reizl Bozyk and Rick English) Season 11 Episode 3

53. “The Salamander Room” (narrated by Lynne Thigpen) Season 11 Episode 4

52. “Silent Lotus” (narrated by Lea Salonga) Season 11 Episode 5

51. “Follow the Drinking Gourd” (narrated by Keith David) Season 11 Episode 6

50. “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” (narrated by Beth Howland) Season 11 Episode 7

49. “And Still the Turtle Watched” (narrated by Michael Ansara) Season 11 Episode 9

48. “June 29, 1999” (narrated by Charles Kimbrough) Season 11 Episode 10

47. “Nosey Mrs. Rat” (narrated by Faith Prince) Season 12 Episode 1

46. “Borreguita and the Coyote” (narrated by Olga Merediz) Season 12 Episode 2

45. “Summer” (narrated by Ossie Davis) Season 12 Episode 3

44. “Once There Was a Tree” (narrated by Eli Wallach) Season 12 Episode 4

43. “Appelemando’s Dreams” (narrated by Michael Learned) Season 12 Episode 5

42. “The Lotus Seed” (narrated by Rona Figueroa) Season 12 Episode 6

41. “Stellaluna” (narrated by Anne Jackson) Season 12 Episode 8

40. “My Shadow” (narrated by Robert Guillaume) Season 12 Episode 9

39. “Ruth Law Thrills a Nation” (narrated by Linda Lavin) Season 12 Episode 10

38. “The Wonderful Tower of Watts” (narrated by Angela Bassett) Season 13 Episode 1

37. “Martha Speaks” (narrated by Jo Hayden) Season 13 Episode 2

36. “Alejandro’s Gift” (narrated by Francisco Rivela) Season 13 Episode 3

35. “The Sign Painter’s Dream” (narrated by Jamie Farr) Season 13 Episode 4

34. “Archibald Frisby” (narrated by Arnold Stang) Season 13 Episode 5

33. “Fly Away Home” (narrated by Daniel Saltzman) Season 14 Episode 1

32. “Uncle Jed’s Barbershop” (narrated by Regina Taylor) Season 14 Episode 2

31. “How to Make an Apple Pie and See the World” (narrated by Helen Mirren) Season 14 Episode 3

30. “Owen” (narrated by Matthew Broderick) Season 14 Episode 4

29. “How Much Is a Million?” (narrated by Nick Sullivan) Season 14 Episode 5

28. “Always My Dad” (narrated by BJ Crosby) Season 15 Episode 1

27. “Bread Is for Eating” (narrated by Cecilia Arana) Season 15 Episode 2

26. “Hotel Animal” (narrated by John Cunningham) Season 15 Episode 3

25. “Someplace Else” (narrated by Carol Kane) Season 15 Episode 4

24. “On the Day You Were Born” (narrated by Patrick Stewart) Season 16 Episode 1

23. “Hip Cat” (narrated by Ann Duquesnay) Season 16 Episode 2

22. “Regina’s Big Mistake” (narrated by Anna Holbrooks) Season 16 Episode 3

21. “Giving Thanks: A Native American Good Morning Message” (narrated by Nicholson Earl Billey) Season 16 Episode 4

20. “The Carousel” (narrated by Sarah Hubbard) Season 16 Episode 5

19. “My Life with the Wave” (narrated by Scott Irby Ranier) Season 17 Episode 2

18. “Saturday Sancocho” (narrated by Jose de Guzman) Season 17 Episode 3

17. “When Aunt Lena Did the Rhumba” (narrated by Lucie Arnaz) Season 17 Episode 4

16. “Worksong” (narrated by David Canary) Season 17 Episode 5

15. “The Shaman’s Apprentice: A Tale of the Amazon Rain Forest” (narrated by Susan Sarandon) Season 18 Episode 1

14. “Pet Stories You Don’t Have to Walk” (narrated by Jason Alexander) Season 18 Episode 2

13. “Lemonade for Sale” (narrated by Andrea McArdle) Season 18 Episode 3

12. “The Secret Shortcut” (narrated by Tim Conway) Season 18 Episode 4

11. “My America: A Poetry Atlas of the United States” (narrated by Nikki Giovanni) Season 18 Episode 5

10. “Badger’s Parting Gifts” (narrated by Ruby Dee) Season 18 Episode 6
The top 10! Wow, you know these are getting really good now.

9. “The Tin Forest” (narrated by Jeff Bridges) Season 19 Episode 1

8. “Max” (narrated by Regina King and Ian Desdone) Season 19 Episode 2

7. “Enemy Pie” (narrated by Ed Harris) Season 18 Episode 3

6. “Our Big Home: An Earth Poem” (narrated by Naomi Judd) Season 18 Episode 4

5. “Visiting Day” (narrated by Alfre Woodard) Season 20 Episode 1

4. “Unique Monique” (narrated by Eliza Dushku) Season 20 Episode 2

3. “Mr. George Baker” (narrated by George Baker) Season 20 Episode 3

2. “Beegu” (narrated by Freddie Prinze, Jr.) Season 20 Episode 4

1. “Two Old Potatoes and Me” (narrated by Jordan Puryear) Season 20 Episode 5
The final, and coincidentally, best-ever Reading Rainbow episode! Thanks for reading. I’m going to go apply to consulting jobs now.