These tweets are each designed to be highly-shareable, social content.
Facebook "react buttons" don't seem to capture my passion for insufferable indifference.— JasonLastname (@JasonLastname) July 3, 2016
Anyone who believes that language is rigid and words mean specific things has never clicked "Going" on a Facebook event.— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) May 6, 2016
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it in a Facebook event invite.— Dave Holmes (@DaveHolmes) May 20, 2016
Facebook: Hey remember this pic of your dog that died?— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) July 25, 2016
Me: Damnit Facebook not now.
FB: Your ex girlfriend is getting married.
I got blocked by the I Hate Alex Trebek Facebook group for trying to celebrate his birthday— Brendan O'Hare (@brendohare) July 24, 2016
Facebook is awesome bc some dude will be like "Listen to my new band, Cunt Ripper" and it'll get a comment like "Miss u, Joshua! -Aunt Edna"— Dan Ozzi (@danozzi) June 30, 2016
When Facebook moms post how they can't believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he'd be held back!"— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) September 2, 2016
Facebook is great if you want to reinforce your decision not to sleep with that person you had a crush on ten years ago.— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) August 20, 2016
Going to call a friend, say I need money ASAP, then, a few hours later, I'll announce on Facebook I bought a season pass to a water park— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) June 5, 2016
Facebook is just a bunch of people being surprised by the passage of time.— erin mallory long (@erinmallorylong) July 13, 2016
stop shaming people for preaching to the choir on facebook. We need a lot more than that but WE ALWAYS NEED A FULLY LUBED UP FUCKING CHOIR.— eric dadourian (@ericdadourian) July 8, 2016
My day, a haiku:— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) May 20, 2016
Tinder: "log in with Facebook."
The revolution will not be televised it'll be uploaded to Facebook removed posted on Twitter deleted then posted again and again and again— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) July 7, 2016
Before Facebook, I could only assume a bunch of strangers were celebrating their birthdays today.— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) September 21, 2016
I only drink socially, like when I'm on Facebook or Twitter.— Matt Donaher (@mattdonaher) May 28, 2016
Facebook is prioritzing users' friends over news outlets. For more on this story here's your high school acquaintance who sells diet candles— DC Pierson (@DCpierson) June 30, 2016
This woman's "I'm deleting my Facebook" post has 52 comments and she's replied to all of them. Not a strong start.— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) May 29, 2016
Deleting Facebook is the new "I don't even own a TV..."— Thomas Allen Brady (@tomabrady) September 25, 2016
i wanna be as carefree as that facebook friend who comments on pornstar pictures and doesn't realize everyone can see it— chuuch (@ch000ch) May 21, 2016
My sister does a great prank,every time she has a one night stand, 9 months later she posts photos of a newborn to Facebook w no explanation— ♡ brian essbe ♡ (@SortaBad) September 15, 2016
Facebook friend: We're so excited to welcome a new addition to our family.— Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) July 13, 2016
Me: Who is it. Who's joining your family, asshole.
my two year old saw me comment on your Facebook status about how I think all guys should eat pussy and whispered "dad, how are you so woke?"— the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) July 26, 2016
[spends 15 minutes trying to figure out a way to convince my friend I actually watched the 3 min video he linked me to on Facebook]— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) May 16, 2016
haha I don't think ISIS's despotic Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi realizes he linked his Spotify to Facebook. Idiot's streaming "Love Fool" right now!— Proven Content Maker (@Bro_Pair) September 23, 2016
I poked a dead person on Facebook— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) May 5, 2016