(This is a recap. Spoilers below.)

Now that we’re half-way through the season, it’s definitely time bodies, specifically the ones we care about, start dropping.

This was a really heavy Meadow episode. So it should have come as no surprise when she kicked it at the end of “Mid-Western Assassin.”

Let’s now honor the departed with 10 Things We’ll Miss About What’s-Her-Face, sorry, Meadow.

1. Her Bizarre Lewks

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“Heeeeeere’s MEADOW!”

Both Leslie Grossman and Billy Eichner have pulled some fucked up scary faces this season, probably because they are more silly than they are frightening. Pictured above is a flashback to the night that Ally (Sarah Paulson), found Meadow in an open grave and just left her there to be re-kidnapped by Harrison and Detective Hot Mike Pence (Colton Haynes).

Eventually, Ally grows a pair, grabs some mace/a knife, and uses her mother-and-or-lunatic-strength to release the majestic Meadow from captivity.

2. Her ADD

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“I’ll use this in the afterlife, like a Pharaoh or something”

Meadow, despite being kidnapped, hogtied, thrown into a grave, kidnapped and tied up again (this time with a ball-gag), released and then forced to flee for her life Cannot. Keep. Focused.

Her main concern, when they get to Ally’s restaurant/safe-house, is whether or not she can have a cappuccino. Granted, at this point, Meadow knows she’s on a suicide mission and the audience does not, but she’s always been a little light in the brain department. Right?

3. Her Bluntness

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“And, another thing, you cry too much”

Once Ally gets her to pay attention, Meadow cuts right to the chase. She tells Ally EVERYTHING, including that Ivy is part of the cult and is trying to make her insane. Even the dead birds mystery is explained - poisoned feeders and trucks that sprayed water for a spooky effect.

We later discover she was instructed to tell Ally the truth, but Meadow’s always been a little too forthcoming - like when she told Ally about her and Harrison’s “arrangement.”

As to why Ivy would do such a thing, Meadow has no idea. But we later find out that Ivy has resented Ally since she gave birth to their son, and breastfed him for THREE WHOLE YEARS. Honest question: do they serve “coddled toddler” at the Butchery on Main?

4. Her Artistry

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“I call it: Dog-Donkey Hybrid With Lobster Butt”

Meadow is such a great artist, said no one ever. Oh wait! Kai did! And we believe everything that Kai says, so it must be true. No wonder she falls in love with him, that adorable, psycho manipulator.
Seriously, though, her pictures were kitschy as fuck and, admit it, you’ll miss them, too.

5. Her Loyalty

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“Your man-bun is so presidential”

Meadow looooves Kai. They all do, he’s…a cult leader. But her special devotion to him is something to behold. He freed her from the “trap” of her “feminist expectations.”

When she attempts to leave, it’s really just a cry for help. She wants him to chase her - which is why he’s able to make her his killing-drone so easily.

If you’re here to read about the weird sex scene where Meadow is tied up and Kai tells her exactly how she’s going to martyr herself, sorry to disappoint you. Gonna deliberately not unpack that because FOD is not the place to maturely process it?

6. Her Love Of Reality TV

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Just a cute photo of Leslie Grossman, deal with it

Shout out to RuPaul’s Drag Race courtesy of Meadow, which she used, among other shows, to dull her depression.

Like we all do. B^)

7. Her Being A Good Foil

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“Well, excuse me, Mr. 4chan”

We have to talk about Mare Winninham playing the Hillary Clinton surrogate, Sally Keffler, so apologies for the shoehorned heading. But there really is no better foil for Keffler than Meadow - the former being a badass older broad willing to stand up to the patriarchy and the latter a card-carrying member of Women Against Feminism. Really, the only thing they have in common was their love for the authentic cappuccino at Ally’s restaurant.

Keffler burned bright and she burned fast, and it took maybe 15 minutes before the show killed her off. Making her entrance at a town hall, calling Kai out on his bullshit, we knew she wouldn’t be long for this world/show. She, of course, was the only person who believed Ally and was positioned to help her. And…she kinda ruled - like that professor in college who was slightly conservative but in a “good way."You know the one.

Adding insult to injury, Kai forges her a clumsy suicide message and posts it on Facebook where, according to him, everyone will believe it’s real because, you know, Facebook.

8. Her Ability To Keep A Secret From Somebody Who Already Knows The Secret?

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“Hold on, we’re being watched by a handsome man in that mirror over there”

It’s hard to figure out exactly what Dr. Rudy (Cheyenne Jackson) is privy to or not. So, the scene with Meadow in his office, struggling with divulging the plan and/or her psychosexual confusion before remembering how cute Kai is, was pretty meaningless when you think about it. Maybe we’ll discover what exactly happened there in the next episode. All we know for now is, “She definitely did not mention anything about a cult."Convenient.

Dr. Rudy tries to convince Ally to check herself into a program before she does "something” she’ll “regret.” Is he protecting her or foreshadowing Ally being framed for the shooting? “Shrug” emoji.

9. Her Follow-Through

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Justified Paulson tears

Holy fuck. She actually did it.

Well, we know somebody unleashes on the crowd from the cold open, but Meadow takes it pretty far considering her mission is just to shoot Kai. Whether she’s making the frame-up worse for Ally, taking her rage out on bystanders or aiming for and missing Ivy, it’s still unclear.
What is clear is that this is possibly the scariest scene Ryan Murphy has squeezed out of his demented head, ever. Sorry, amorphous raping demon with a spiraled metal penis, you’re just nowhere near as frightening as a mass shooting. “Shrug” emoji.

10. Her…Uhhh…“Filler” Emoji?

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“I’m a whittle wascal, just like anchorman Bob Schieffer”

Sorry, folks, that episode just flew by. But it was pretty good considering the shaky start to the season, eh? The show keeps getting better.

Way to go,American Horror Story: Cult. “Dancing lady” emoji, “Ghost” emoji, “Shit-Eating Grin” emoji.

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