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January 12, 2017
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I'm not normal.

Here are 26 things Donald Trump could say and get away with it. The fact that he hasn’t said some of these is not the point. The point is he could say these things and not only get away with it, but his supporters would cheer him.

1. I don’t mind pregnant women, but if I was married to one and her face swelled up, I would have nothing to do with her.

2. I want Jews to count my money and blacks to put my luggage on the train.

3. Mussolini said a man should be a tiger and a woman a fawn. He was a real cool guy.

4. Blacks make good boxers because their skulls are thicker and their brains smaller.

5. I think liberals should be water-boarded and then tortured.

6. I think veterans are losers because they couldn’t find real jobs, but we should take care of veterans anyway because they aren’t like other losers.

7. I learned about life the hard way, when I got my inheritance I had to do something with it, I didn’t have the luxury of sitting around jerking off like most people.

8. I don’t have any ideas on foreign policy but it doesn’t matter, I didn’t have any ideas when I ran my gambling company either and look how that turned out.

9. I believe as Richard Nixon did that Asians are the smartest, but they lack the ability for original thought, they have to copy what others thought up.Next in intelligence are whites and then Mexicans and blacks.

10. Sarah Palin would make a great running mate because her head isn’t cluttered with history and knowledge and sh’t like that. Her mind is a clean slate.

11. The lady FOX news reporter, I bet she could grow a penis, but not as big as the one I have.

12. I will keep some Mexicans here in this country to work on a farm labor melon truck.

13. When I debated Hillary (Clinton) it was her bitchy time of the month.

14. The measure of a man is not the content of his character or the quality of his heart, but the size of his wallet and his schlong.

15. I’m gave Hillary the big schlong in our debates.

16. The less you know about how government works, the better able you are to make it work.

17. I’ve never let being ignorant slow me down.

18. Asking me if I have any regrets is like asking God.

19. I could kick you in the groin and shoot you in the face and you’d still support me.

20. There might be some good people coming here from Mexico along with the vermin and rapists.

21. The Pope is a Democrat.

22. I plan to deal with foreign heads of state as though they’re contestants on my reality TV show. If they can’t see my reality, they’re fired.

23. My opponents better watch out or my supporters will kick their asses.

24. I’ve read Mein Kampf from cover to cover and I don’t see what all the fuss is about.

25. Normally I would be answerable to God, but I’m not normal.

26. Putin, who’s he?

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