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February 27, 2017

"It's not that we think that only zebra lives matter, it's that zebra lives matter too"

Vegan Activist Group Protesting Lions’ Abusive Mistreatment of Zebras

Citing several anticruelty laws that have served as landmarks for the animal rights movement, a group of vegan activists from Williamsburg, Brooklyn came out early Sunday morning to publicly condemn, on the strongest possible terms, the systemic oppression that zebras have been subjected to over the years by the paws of their natural predators the lions.

The group presented their case for animal progress on the platform of the Union Square subway station, calling for people to donate what they could to the Zebra Defense Fund.

The fund, as per stated on their website, will use the capital gathered by donations to begin the process of litigating any criminal lion that continues to engage in abusive practices against zebras.

Such practices include, but are not limited to: stalking zebras with the intent to eat them, chasing zebras with the intent to eat them, and ultimately, ripping the crude flesh off zebras while they neigh in pain with the intent to eat them.

Approached about the reasoning behind their demands, a group member identified as Steve stepped forth and told the Groupie that just because zebras don’t live in rich countries, it doesn’t mean they don’t have rights too.

“People are always talking about the rights of pets, the rights of farm animals, but you know, what about the wild animals? The animals who weren’t lucky enough to be born in a country with rule of law. Are we just gonna let them die? Let their kids grow up in fear of being mauled to death by a stronger species? Just cause some old white guy said that’s how it’s supposed to happen two hundred years ago? I don’t go with that. That’s just colonialism in a nut shell.”

When pressed about the rights of other animals, Steve retorted that while the group is currently just advocating for the protection of zebras, they don’t believe that other animal lives don’t matter, just that zebra lives matter too.