The World Cup has begun, and one of the most important considerations a World Cup fan can make is how to make as much obnoxious noise as possible. Many years ago, it became clear that our hands and screams alone cannot achieve enough excellence on this front. In 2010, the still-gold-standard Vuvuzela completely drowned out every thought in our minds as we attempted to watch games, setting the bar higher than ever before.
In 2014, a valiant attempt at Ultimate Obnoxious World Cup Fandom was made in Brazil with the Caxirola, which was both the “official noisemaker” of the event, and also banned from all the venues, which, well, makes no fucking sense.
But it’s 2018, and the world has been turned inside out in so many ways. Perhaps this is the year we finally meet the senseless terror inside of us that can only be caused by the vuvuzela until now.
Not even a little! Russia has introduced the “Spoons of Victory” which are just “Lozhkas” - wooden spoons you hit together to make some dumb noise. Like this fucking narc.
WOW, WHAT A BUMMER.
The return of vuvuzelas!?
Fear not! There is an underground, but growing attempt to infiltrate stadiums all over Russia with the bone-crushing, blood-curdling sound of the sweet sweet vuvuzela.
Behold, VUVUZELA BEAR!
We love you, Vuvuzela Bear! We hope you never tire. We know you must stay anonymous for fear of Putin’s henchmen. Of course if they find you, they will certainly kill you. But until then, you will be in our hearts.