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October 13, 2016
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Loser things that could be great again

Look, I think we can all agree Donald Trump is somewhat of a business man. So I took the liberty of giving Don a few fallback options, just in case this whole running America like a deranged orangutan operating a bankrupt casino thing doesn’t work out…

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Subway

No, not the train. I’m talking about the sandwiches. Any company that builds an entire brand around the face of a once 400-lb pedophile who peddles things like “footlongs” and “6 inches”, definitely is in need of a reboot – and you know what, Don might just be the man for that job.

Fox News

Because after the exit of Roger Ailes, I hear they are currently in the market for a new sexual predator/misogynistic billionaire boss.

D.C. Sports

If Don doesn’t make it to Washington as president, this could be his next best thing. Any professional sports team in the D.C. area could get the Trump treatment. Because lets face it, they haven’t won in so long, and Trump wins so much. There could be an abundance of locker room talk, and something tells me Don would also be really fond of owning a team he could refer to as “The Redskins”.

America’s Motels

Because so many of them are really bad. They absolutely do not win anymore, and there’s a ton of losers, I’m sorry, *people to scam/screw over in this venture. It’s really a win-win for Don.

Chipotle

Chipotle is still suffering from the literal shit-storm that hit them last year. Stock is down 17% and the burritos just simply do not win anymore. I believe Don could somehow turn things around and put a positive spin on an otherwise repugnant situation, or perhaps as he would say, “make this tremendous Hispanic grill great once again.”

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus

I know what you’re thinking, “the circus is an archaic, offensive event that cannot be saved”, and to that I say you just watch Donald Trump make the circus “great"again. If anyone can put people back in those seats to watch this spectacle unfold it would be Donald J. Trump. And most importantly, the circus is famous for its great clowns.

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