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January 14, 2010
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My friend and I went to dinner the other night and we were laughing as we recollected our early twenties, when I used to be roomates with our other good friend and how we used to buy each other sex toys (fairly exclusively), and if we did succumb to buying a lame ass candle, bath gels or socks we would, at the very least, wrap it in porn. 
So, this brought me to remembering my first solo apartment, and my first computer and the day that my other friends came over to help me set up said computer.  My "friends" (as I am using the term fairly loosely, B), thought it would be funny, since I know ZERO about computers, to make my HTML wallpaper gay porn.  Now, I did not know what HTML wallpaper was (and still don't really), so I couldn't change it, but I didn't really care because who of my friends could it possibly shock anyway? 
So...my dad wants to come over and see my place and wants to "check out the new computer"....SHIT!  I get one of my asshole frineds on the phone and ask how to change my wallpaper and they tell me to right click and add whatever.  I don't have the capacity to download any files/pics of my own BUT!!  There were a selection of "themes" on the computer and I chose the "jungle" theme, which was actually really cool.  It covered up the porn, but also had a cute little monkey swinging on a vine when I had to wait for dial up, occassionally had a "rrrooow" by a jaguar or some other jungle cat and also made this bongo drum "thump-thumpa-thump-thump" when it changed programs.
So, my dad comes over, likes the place, likes the jungle theme, everything is cool.  We go to shut it off and all would have ended well but for the attention catching "thump-thumpa-thump-thump" which returned our attention to the computer screen just in time to catch a three second glimpse of gay porn right before it shut down.
For five years I saw that flash of porn every day, for three seconds after the "thump-thumpa-thump-thump" and then black screen. 
Somehow this stroll down memory lane brings us to an idea for a novelty book entitled "50 Places to Hide Your Porn".  My input included "by the treadmill bought 3 years ago that nobody uses" or "under the lo-fat yogurt in the fridge" (which had probably been there just as long).  My friend is pro "under the floor boards" or "in that drawer in the kitchen that has the "to be repaired" on it", and I was thinking that since I'm the only one who looks at the ceiling, I could just vecro some up there ??  So, that's like 5 places. 
This exercise proves to me that I'm just not a porn hider. 
"Thump-thumpa-thump-thump".  Wheeeeeeee!!
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