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December 12, 2016
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One of the MANY benefits of ghosting is that it doesn’t provide a clear severing of the relationship, so it just drifts in the air until you decide you wanna get back in there.

In today’s turbulent dating culture, direct honest conversation usually falls by the wayside of convenience and efficiency. Enter the need for “Ghosting” aka choosing to not reply to messages from an individual a person is dating until that individual just gives up and stops trying to make contact.

One of the MANY benefits of ghosting is that it doesn’t provide a clear severing of the relationship, so it just drifts in the air until you decide you wanna get back in there. To help you do just that, here are 7 acceptable texts to send someone you ghosted a year ago.


1. “Hey!”

From the highest court of royalty to the grimiest peasant village, “Hey” conveys familiarity and enthusiasm and a desperate plea to act like all this—everything we’re doing here in “civilized” society—is normal.


2. “U up? Haha, j/k but srsly R U Up I Want 2 Bone plz?”

50% of the time, the person who receives a text like this shows it to their friends and a group of your peers laughs at how tone deaf and desperate you are. The other 50% of the time you get to bone, which is cool.


3. “You at work? I’m in the city and outside your office and have to piss. Bad. Coming up!”

If you gotta piss, you gotta piss. No one with a heart would deny you. After your done pissing either catch up with the person or not. You already got what you wanted.


4. “New phone who dis? I presuuuuuuuume…”

This one’s kind of a combo of the popular joke reply to a new texter and a way less popular old timey movie cliche, or something. At best it’s a convoluted, kinda confusing, and lightly amusing joke. Which is a good gateway to a follow up text, “Sorry, maybe that didn’t make sense. Please come over, I’m horny now.“


5. “Thanks so much for agreeing to help me move to my new apt on Saturday morning! Make sure to be there before 6am, you’re the only one helping me, I’ll bring bagels!”

I don’t know, maybe just see what happens?


6. “Are you watching this?!?!”

DO NOT do this during the Super Bowl or Oscars or Country Music Awards or else he/she will know what you’re talking about. If they don’t know then they won’t be able to stop themselves from replying “wha?“ and with just one little lie, you might have rekindled a conversation that, who knows, might lead to marriage or sex.


7. “Was your brother the one who works at a record label? Could I get his phone number?”

Dude. It’d be cool to work at a record label. Etiquette be damned, if this person has a brother at a record label, use that connection!

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