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Additional Credits
Additional Credits:
Edited by: Julie and David Chambers
Written by: Kelly A. Brotman
5 Funny Votes
0 Die Votes
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Published May 17, 2013

                        

 

                   

WENDY’S SUMMER JOBS

Job #1: Hotel Receptionist

BY: KELLY A. BROTMAN

 

 

WENDY FRESHER: A TWENTY TWO YEAR OLD COLLEGE STUDENT. SHE IS STARTING HER SUMMER JOB. (NOT CAST YET)

FERNADO QUOZNO:  A THIRTY SOMETHING WOMANIZER. HE IS THE HOTEL MANAGER. (NOT CAST  YET)

GEORGE FRIEDMON AKA ERNST HEMINGWAY: AN ESCAPED HOSPITAL PATIENCE FROM THE PSYCH WARD WHO THINKS HE IS ERNST HEMINGWAY.

NURSE OBAMA: FRIEDMAN’S CARETAKER FROM THE HOSPITAL. SHE IS GETS ANNOYED BY THE CONSTANT QUESTIONS ABOUT HER LAST NAME. SHE IS NOT RELATED TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

AMBER, QUOZNO’S EX GIRLFRIEND:HIS CRAZED  EX GIRLFRIEND IS A MURDEROUS WOMAN THAT WOULD KILL ANYONE WHO GOES BETWEEN HER AND HER MAN.

 

 

 

 

EXT.  HOTEL PEARLMONT, LOS ANGELES, ESTABLISHING - DAY

DISSOLVE TO:

INT.  HOTEL LOBBY - DAY

(QUEZNO, WENDY)

FERNANDO QUEZNO AND WENDY FRESHER WALK IN. THEY WALK TO THE RECEPTION DESK.

QUEZNO

And over here is the lobby. This is where you are going to be stationed, Miss Fresher.

WENDY

Thank you, Mister Quizno. for giving me this opportunity to work at such a fine establishment.

QUEZNO

It’s Quezno. Not Quizno.  I’m not a sandwich shop.  The ‘E’ is more pronounced.  Now the phone is right here, be sure to call me if there is an emergency, and only for an emergency. I am a very busy man. Now you can handle the basics such as house keeping, maintenance, and the occasional escaped mental patient...

WENDY

(ALARMED)  Say what?  I thought this was a hotel?

QUEZNO

(IGNORING HER) And do not under any circumstances press the emergency button, only I’m allowed to press that button.

WENDY

Why can only you press that button?  What if I see an emergency?

QUEZNO

Then you check with me to see if it really is an emergency.  Remember, you’re under my jurisdiction. You did sign the Medical Consent Forms right?

QUEZNO TURNS TO GO.

QUEZNO (CONT’D)

Well, I am done here. Now don’t call me down unless...

WENDY

Unless of a real emergency.

QUEZNO

You’re a fast learner.  Good.

QUEZNO EXITS.

DISSOLVE TO:

PEARLMONT LOBBY AN HOUR LATER.

(GEORGE FRIEDMAN, WENDY, NURSE OBAMA, AMBER, QUEZNO)

WENDY IS BUSY AT HER DESK. IN WALKS GEORGE FRIEDMAN. HE IS IN A BATHROBE WITH PAJAMAS ON. HE IS HOLDING A BROOM LIKE A GUN. 

GEORGE FRIEDMAN

Hello, Miss.

WENDY

Miss Fresher.  Hello, Mr...

GEORGE FRIEDMAN

Hemingway, Ernest. And I see you are here as well for the hunt.

WENDY

You’re joking right?

GEORGE FRIEDMAN

Oh no. No joke, Miss Fresher, if that’s your real name. I am here to partake in the hunt. (LOOKING OFF)  I see my game now. Just over the yonder. I’m off to seek my trophy head.

FRIEDMAN TAKES OFF, AIMING HIS BROOM LIKE A GUN.

WENDY

I wish I didn’t need this job...

NURSE FELICIA OBAMA ENTERS.

NURSE OBAMA

Hello, I’m a nurse from the hospital down the block. One of our patients recently wandered off. 

WENDY

There was a man who just left here. He said he was Ernest Hemingway.

NURSE OBAMA

That’s George.  He always wanders off.

WENDY

So, he’s a mental patient, I guess?

NURSE OBAMA

Now.  He used to be one of the hospital’s top neurosurgeon.  Then he read “The Sun Also Rises” one too many times.  And now he’s nuttier than a fruitcake.

WENDY

(POINTING OFF)  Well, your fruitcake just went that away.

NURSE OBAMA

Great. If he comes back here and he’s at all lucid, tell him that Nurse Obama is looking for him.

WENDY

Of course Nurse Obama... Obama?  Are you --

NURSE OBAMA

I want to stop you right there. I am not in any form related to the President of the United States of America. I’m not his cousin, aunt, step, or any kind of relations with the man.

WENDY

Okay, okay. Sorry. I just, well, assumed with the name like Obama.

NURSE OBAMA

(IRRITATED)  Well, don’t assume.  I better go find Ernest... I mean, George.

NURSE OBAMA RUSHES OFF.

WENDY

(TO HERSELF)  Does this qualify as an emergency..?  No, I’m not the one responsible for that man’s insanity.

SFX:  A LOUD CRASH.

WENDY (CONT’D)

Unless HE damages the hotel...

WENDY PICKS UP THE PHONE, BUT IS INTERRUPTED BY THE ENTRANCE OF AMBER WALLACE, WHO IS CRYING HYSTERICALLY.

AMBER

Where is he?!  Where is my honey bunny?!

WENDY

Are you looking for Ernest... or George?

AMBER REACHES OVER THE DESK AND GRABS WENDY’S COLLAR.

AMBER

Where is Fernando Quezno?  I must see Fernando Quezno!  We are supposed to get married!

WENDY

Do you have an appointment to see him? Because Mister Quezno is a very busy man. 

AMBER

You’ll get Fernando down here in the next five minutes or I’ll....

SHE GRABS A  GUN SHE HAS  IN HER PURSE.

AMBER (CONT’D)

Shoot you in the head unless you can get Fernando here. 

AMBER PUSHES BACKWARD AND WENDY STUMBLES BACKWARD WITH THE FORCE OF THE PUSH.

WENDY

Technically, if I’m dead I won’t be able to get him down here.

AMBER

(STILL POINTING THE GUN)  Do you want to find out?

WENDY GRABS THE PHONE.

WENDY

Mister Quezno, I need you down here now!  (WHISPERING)  There’s a woman down here claiming that you two had an appointment.

QUEZNO (V.O.)

Tell her I’ll be down in twenty.

WENDY

An appointment to get married.

QUEZNO (V.O.)

Oh, it’s probably Amber.  Tell her that I am with a... client, yeah a client, a big client.

WENDY

(TO AMBER)  He’s with a big client.

AMBER COCKS THE GUN POINTED AT WENDY.

WENDY (CONT’D)

(PANICKING)  Uh, she says it’s urgent.

QUEZNO

Tell her she’s in trouble for not  blowing my... (BEAT)  I mean, in trouble for blowing off her last work shift. 

WENDY

(TO AMBER)  He says something about your last work shift..?

AMBER GRABS THE PHONE AND SCREAMS INTO IT.

AMBER

I’ll blow off her head!  I’ll blow off her head!  Do you want that on your conscience, honey bunny?  DO YOU?!

THERE’S A LONG PAUSE.

QUEZNO (V.O.)

You know, Miss Fresher, it won’t be too hard to get a replacement receptionist.  Several other highly qualified candidates applied for the job.

WENDY

Mister... Quezno!

QUEZNO (V.O.)

But on the other hand, I don’t want to have to deal with another wrongful death lawsuit...  I’ll be right down.

WENDY HANGS UP THE PHONE.

WENDY

He will be down shortly. 

AMBER

(HAPPY AND EXCITED)  My honey bunny will be here soon. And then we’ll get married and be off to our glorious honeymoon in old Mexico! Ole!

AMBER STARTS DANCING AROUND JOYFULLY.

WENDY

(MUTTERING)  And this is my first day...

END OF SKETCH.

 

 

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