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October 07, 2011

Me going off on Svedka Vodka and the commercial

Ok, Svedka vodka. Where do I start? I’m not a vodka drinker and I don’t plan to become one. If I ever do I’ll be damned if it’s Svedka! I live in the now. Bitches.  Who are you marketing to?  “Voted the best vodka of 2033”. Neat… People who are on their way to having Cirrhosis of the liver or their kids? How do you end the board meetings? “We aren’t there yet, but, we will! Keep it up!”  Do the math! Your advertising to kids, you fucks. Who voted? How well did it rate amongst the kids from Sesame Street?  (I’ve never seen an Ad during “Sesame Street” for Svedka Vodka but if I do, I bet somebody got a raise…all I’m sayin’) If the Marlboro Man, Joe camel, Spuds McKenzie, and the Budweiser Frogs are too recognizable by children, how the fuck can you get away with saying you have the best vodka of 2033? Do the math. I hope you run out of money before 2033. I hope you run out of money before the Super Bowl.  (If you even know what that is you Swedish Ass-Bags) And what’s with the fucking robots in your commercials? Are our kids going to be assholes who dance to shitty techno music (all techno music is shitty) with bald robot chicks with tits and ass?  (Natalie Portman is the only chick I would bang bald (Not bang her until she actually went bald but bang her like in that “V for Vendetta” movie)) What was your casting call?  Was “Right Said Fred” busy? (Don’t know if “Said” is his middle name and should be capitalized or not. My point is, had I used “Hitler” the explanation would not have been this long) or “All Dip-shits that didn’t make the Jersey Shore”.  Everything about Svedka vodka pissed me off.  Especially when I’m out of Svedka vodka, and the next best thing is my roommates flaccid penis while he is sleeping (we have running water, it is drinkable, and I’m straight).

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