The crazy celebrity thing has been done to death. Charlie Sheen is crazy, we get it. Mel Gibson is a Jew hating nut bag. Right. Lindsay Lohan is a borderline klepto... or...whatever she did that took our attention away from her having big breasts.
What did Titsy Lohan...I mean, Nipsy Lo...
what did she do again?
Sure I get it. So? What's the fucking problem here? Why are we bad mouthing these bastions of bat shit lunacy? Shouldn't we be celebrating these celebrity forays into balls out, foil hatted insanity? Look, when a butterfly flaps it's wings in Portugal and, via the butterfly effect (the chaos theory one, not that hour and a half Ashton Kutcher cum stain on film) it causes a NASCAR driver to lose control of his car, jamming into a barricade, the car bursts into flames, he runs away screaming...also on fire. Is it not our right, nay, our duty to stare at it...and through the horrible disbelief, quietly think, "awesome"!
Dear lord I hope he's (on fire) okay.
These celebrities hold a special place in our society. They are entertainers, dammit! What right do we have to take that away from them? I think we should bask in our mentally ill celebrities. Elevate their episodes for our own amusement and education. We owe it to them, we owe it...to ourselves. This is America dammit! Not some, crazy, insanity hiding country where gas is expensive and probably doesn't even have toilets...I'm assuming. Better yet, we're not some socialist, commie, government run slave state. We are NOT The kind of country that allows only one true deranged mother fucker to have a monopoly on the countries psycho supply!
Hi. I AM North Korea's Crazy.
Smile you glorious sonofabitch, smile.
I'm just theorizing here, but, maybe he might have been a little afraid of getting an Andy Dufresne style rape while buying a Snapple. Does that make it right? No, but, still he may have had a valid fear, well, at least a valid fear as far as fucking lunatics are concerned. Now, that episode of wacky wasn't nearly clear enough. Mini-Mel wanted more. Big Mel took care of it all with a couple of gay rights fund raisers, later, practically all was forgiven. Apparently, we, the public not noticing his twisted nature, irritated the wacko Mel lurking just beneath the skin. Next, Mini kicked it up a notch and went with anti-semitism. Someone should have turned him on to the fact that when you go anti-semite, the world's "fucking crazy" alarms start tripping. He blamed it on his dad, made some half-assed apologies, but, the world stayed wary. When you're at this stage, the world doesn't ask you to leave the party, but, they start watering down your fucking drinks a little.
It would seem that Randy Quaid is a paranoid nut job like no other. What got me about him and what is so entertaining about his mania is that...it's Randy fucking Quaid. Think of the celebrity least likely to be threatened by anyone, anywhere, at anytime, and then look just behind him...the guy no one is paying any attention to...that's Randy Quaid. What the hell is he talking about? Well, apparently Randy and his woman like to do a little "B & E" when they aren't crafting elaborate conspiracy theories. Oh, I'm sorry...for you non-insane, non-Randy Quaid types, that's "breaking and entering". He and his wife broke into a house and trashed the motherfucker. "Fuckin' rock Randy! Yeeeaaahhhh", you're thinking...well, turns out Randy's balls quadruple in size when his wife partner's up with him. Kinda like, forming Voltron, except with Randy's balls.
On the inside, they called me "Switch blade"
Elton writes other things here...Elton Says Things
Or, if you're one of THOSE people, follow him on Twitter here.