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To: steve@randalrandalandyounglaw.com
From: theboehnerspeaks@congress.gov
Subject: suing Obama!!!!

Hey Steve,

Remember that “suing the president thing” I got your advice about? Not sure if you saw, but we voted in the House yesterday to do it!!! I’ve wanted to do this “For the Longest Time” (Billy Joel song title pun yo! A real thing I did is have my staff write a bunch last week). So what are like next steps?

-J Bone


To: theboehnerspeaks@congress.gov
From: steve@randalrandalandyounglaw.com
Subject: re: suing Obama!!!!

My advice was “don’t do it.” That remains my position. This is a bad idea and I advise against it.


To: steve@randalrandalandyounglaw.com
From: theboehnerspeaks@congress.gov
Subject: re: suing Obama!!!!

But he’s being unconstitutional!!! We totally told him not to go forward with his Obamaffordable Care Act stuff and he did it anyway.


To: theboehnerspeaks@congress.gov
From: steve@randalrandalandyounglaw.com
Subject: re: suing Obama!!!!

In the event the President did act unconstitutionally (which, again, it is my legal opinion he did not) as established by Marbury v. Madison in 1803, the Supreme Court holds the power of Judicial Review to declare an act of the President unconstitutional. That’s how this works. Congress isn’t supposed to “sue” the President.


To: steve@randalrandalandyounglaw.com
From: theboehnerspeaks@congress.gov
Subject: re: suing Obama!!!!

Well, we already voted in the House of Representatives (heard of it?) to sue him, so I guess check your history books or whatever lol. We’re going to target the one-year delay of the health-care reform law’s employer mandate penalties.


To: theboehnerspeaks@congress.gov
From: steve@randalrandalandyounglaw.com
Subject: re: suing Obama!!!!

So you’re suing him for not enforcing the law that you didn’t support in the first place? There is no way that this is anything but a political stunt. If you’d like to impeach the President, a power that is actually granted to the legislative branch, I can advise on that. Otherwise, please drop this.


To: steve@randalrandalandyounglaw.com
From: theboehnerspeaks@congress.gov
Subject: re: suing Obama!!!!

Don’t say “impeach”!!! You sound like a Democrat when you say that lol. Seriously, though, don’t say that word again, ya “Uptown Girl” (I AM THE BILLY JOEL OF BILLY JOEL PUNS!!!). Whenever people mention “impeach” in the media, people just start donating like crazy to Democratic campaigns. (Seriously, though, keep this on the DL, but after this whole suing thing let’s talk about the “i” word — got some ideas). For now, though, no impeachy-weachy, just suey-wuey. We gonna sue the president, bro. Sue him good.


To: theboehnerspeaks@congress.gov
From: steve@randalrandalandyounglaw.com
Subject: re: suing Obama!!!!

I am probably going to regret even entertaining this as a serious inquiry, but since the House of Representatives has never sued the President before in the history of the United States, could you please explain what do you even mean by “sue the president”? Like, for money?

Also, a pun is a joke that plays on different possible meanings of the same word or similar sounding words. You’ve just been inserting Billy Joel song titles into poorly constructed sentences. Those are not puns.


To: steve@randalrandalandyounglaw.com
From: theboehnerspeaks@congress.gov
Subject: re: suing Obama!!!!

Whoa, you can sue people for money??? Sure! Let’s do that too. Also if there was a way to sue the President for all those immigrants by the border, people super don’t like immigrants so let’s add that in too. Oh, also it would be super chill if there was a way we could just straight-up sue somebody (maybe voters?) to not allow a Democrat to become President again (that’s why we’re doing this in case that wasn’t obvi, beeteedubs).


To: theboehnerspeaks@congress.gov
From: steve@randalrandalandyounglaw.com
Subject: re: suing Obama!!!!

This is the last email I’ll send: Stop this nonsense. I normally charge a consulting fee for email correspondence on potential litigation, but I won’t in this case because you’ve already wasted enough taxpayer money spending your time on political theater instead of passing legislation.


To: steve@randalrandalandyounglaw.com
CC: mygavel@johnboehner.gop
From: theboehnerspeaks@congress.gov
Subject: re: suing Obama!!!!

Harsh, dude.

CCing my gavel. He’ll back me up on this.


To: steve@randalrandalandyounglaw.com, theboehnerspeaks@congress.gov
From: Mailer-daemon@maildeliverysubsystem.gop
Subject: re: suing Obama!!!!

Delivery to the following recipient failed permanently:
“mygavel@johnboehner.gop”


To: steve@randalrandalandyounglaw.com
From: theboehnerspeaks@congress.gov
Subject: re: suing Obama!!!!

Just looked up the definition of pun. You were right about that one — my b. Also, turns out my gavel is an inanimate object who does not posses the capacity to operate an email address — so my b numero two.

Still suing Obama though lol.

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