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February 23, 2018
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Millennials have brought many industries to their knees, but the most recent victim in this generation’s unstoppable killing spree has been the humble assault weapon.

Millennials have been the harbingers of death for many an industry. The fast-casual dining industry, the diamond industry, and even the napkin industry have been brought to their knees by the whims of these heartless young people. But the most recent victim in this generation’s unstoppable killing spree has been the humble assault weapon.

This assault on assault weapons comes on the back of some bad press that rifles like the AR-15 have been receiving due to their frequent use in mass shootings. Studies show that mass shootings have a very low approval rating among young people, with many voicing concerns over whether machines designed to make killing large quantities of human beings as easy as possible are even a good idea to market to consumers.

“These are just honest, hard-working Americans making a reliable, quality product. It’s sad that this new generation can’t appreciate the fine craftsmanship that goes into these babies. I mean if you compare the AR-15 to the dumb old M16s we were arming our military with in Vietnam, you’ll see that we’ve managed to make assault rifles lighter, quicker to reload, and just overall sexier,” said Snarty Blamfort of the National Rifle Association. “When gun manufacturers create these innovative tools of war, the NRA will always be there to make sure Americans can walk into a store and buy one with as little hassle as possible. And obviously we cross our fingers and hope that only good, stable, reasonable people will be compelled to purchase them.”

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