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Published May 07, 2013 More Info »
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Published May 07, 2013
Don’t forget that Mother’s Day is this Sunday! If you’re still trying to decide what to get mom, here are some common gift ideas that are probably best avoided. 1. A strong pat on the back and a heartfelt “Keep up the good work” 2. Legal custody of two “high functioning” 13-year-old grandsons 3. An Instagram of your growing bald spot with the caption “You did this” 4. A 24 hour window in which you temporarily remove her email address from your blocked senders list 5. One complimentary tour of the Convalescents “R” Us nursing home 6. Good vibes 7. Quick summary of your wedding and a promise to invite her to the next one 8. Backpack full of Taco Bell Fire Sauce packets 9. Your top 100 Kate Middleton gifs from Jan – April ’13   10. Discounted subscription to your “Animal Ethics” podcast 11. One Office Max “20% Off Everything You Can Fit in this Bag” bag 12.  The chance hear you do your famous Samuel L. Jackson “Hold onto your butts!” impression 13. An email with a link to the “CSI” IMDB page because you heard she like watches that show or whatever 14. Game genie 15. Position of the Day Playbook with your favorites highlighted 16. Recording of you and dad singing along with Pink Floyd’s “Mother” 17. A copy of your new Kindle Single, Why Adam Lanza was Right 18. Your sticky note reminder to “buy present 4 mom”   19. One pocket constitution with your notes on how Obama is currently “ass raping” each article and amendment 20. Used Metallica t-shirt with the note, “Please return upon receipt thx” 21. BluBlockers 22. A behind-the-scenes DVD of Chris Christie’s lap band surgery with commentary 23. “HMD” posted on her Facebook wall 24. Another year of repressing those feelings of profound resentment, guilt and bitterness 25. Tie rack  
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