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December 10, 2014
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Some guys just don't like Secret Santa.


From: paul@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: When is the Yankee Swap??

Hey, guys! Secret Santa was really fun this afternoon! I was just wondering what time we were doing the Yankee Swap? I’m trying to leave by 6 so if we could do it at, like, 5, that’d be great.

Happy Paul-idays!

- Paul


From: janice@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

Um, Paul, there is no Yankee Swap. It was just a Secret Santa.


From: paul@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

Oh…

OK, that’s a bummer cause I got gloves? And, no offense, but it’s the middle of December and 20 degrees outside. So obviously I already have gloves.


From: cathy@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

Oh. Those were from me.

Paul, I’m sorry you didn’t like your gift. I thought they would match your jacket nicely?

- Cathy


From: paul@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

It just sucks cause you knitted them yourself so it’s not even like I can exchange em for something good. No offense, but it’s kinda unfair I got these after giving my Secret Santa something awesome.

Guys, I’m afraid I need to put my foot down and insist we turn Secret Santa into Yankee Swap. I’ll start passing out numbers.


From: russ@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

Paul. You’re being crazy rude right now. We’re not doing a Yankee Swap. Cathy got you really nice, handmade gloves.


From: paul@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

And I got Josh an ITUNES GIFT CARD. THAT is good gift! I KNOW he likes music cause he’s always got headphones on at his desk. That’s the point of Secret Santa! You find out what the person likes. And I specifically said to Cathy in the break room that I was hoping for an iPad this year.


From: cathy@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

Um, I remember you saying that about the iPad but we had a $25 limit on Secret Santa?? I thought you meant you hoped your wife or something would get you that?


From: paul@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

I DON’T HAVE A WIFE NO ONE WILL MARRY ME!

ANYWAYS I’VE STARTED THE YANKEE SWAP SO EVERYONE COME TO THE CONFERENCE ROOM! I pulled a “1” which means I get to start and also end the game. Chris, I would like the robot dog thing that Crystal gave you. That means you now have the Cathy gloves. You can pick em up in the trash can by the printer.


From: chris@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

Dude, you’re not getting my robot dog. And as the office HR manager, I think there’s something you need to say to Cathy.


From: paul@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

You’re right, there is.

Cathy, you’re a fucking idiot. This gift is a next-level error on your part.

Not trying to be mean but you’ve completely ruined the Paul-idays.


From: PRESIDENTBARACKOBAMA@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

I agree with Chris! We should make Secret Santa a Yankee Swap.

- Barack Obama


From: russ@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

Paul, obviously you just created that Barack Obama account. Do you really think we would believe the President had an H&R Block email address?


From: presidentbarackobama@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

Hi Russ, you’re under arrest for not believing Paul. You’re going to prison forever.

- BO


From: russ@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

STOP EMAILING THE OFFICE AS THE PRESIDENT.


From: paul@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

RUSS YOU DON’T GET TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

H&R BLOCK ASSOCIATES!! JOIN ME IN MY BATTLE CRY!!!

HANDS UP! :CLAP CLAP:
HANDS UP! :CLAP CLAP:


From: russ@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

OK YOU DO NOT GET TO USE THAT CHANT IN REGARD TO GLOVES.


From: paul@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

Just for that, Russ, I’m giving you a “2,” which is the worst number you can pull in Yankee Swap. Get ready to be stuck with a fucking horrible pair of gloves that cost a grand total of nothing.

Why don’t you make like a stocking and hang yourself.


From: russ@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

You’re fired.


From: paul@handrblock.com
To: office@handrblock.com
Subject: RE: When is Yankee Swap??

That’s fair.

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